Everyone loves some extra attention. However, should you sacrifice your self-respect for that attention? No, of course not. To understand your preference, let’s compare respect vs. popularity on a board level.
Comparison between respect and popularity
The distinction between popularity and respect is that one is concerned with outward appearance, while the other is concerned with the excellent traits within. Unfortunately, in a society dominated by social media, it’s easy to be duped into thinking that the person with the most “love reactions” wins.
Would you, however, conduct business with someone just because they’re cool?
Most likely not. You’re more inclined to do business with someone you admire, and it typically boils down to what our ancestors referred to as “decent values.”
According to Carmen Honecker’s blog ‘The 10 Most Desirable Traits in Human Beings,’ the traits or qualities we most appreciate in others, with minor modifications, are:
- Integrity is adhering to a system of ethics based on common decency.
- Courage is the ability to do what is right even when it is inconvenient or puts us in a difficult situation.
- Laughing to get through difficult situations (is, in fact, admirable).
- Social intelligence is the ability to accurately detect people’s emotions or what is happening under the surface in social circumstances.
- Emotional maturity is the acceptance of one’s emotions and the ability to express them maturely and responsibly.
- Kindness and compassion go hand in hand — these folks have your back.
- Self-assurance is a lack of self-esteem, and an exaggerated feeling of self-worth is problematic. We require a balanced assessment of our limitations and talents and the ability to recognize mistakes as opportunities to progress.
- Discipline is the ability to adhere to your goals and work hard to achieve what you believe in.
- Generosity is giving our time and money to improve the world. After all, life is about people — how can we sit back and do nothing when we’re privileged and others are in need?
- Self-awareness recognizes that no one is perfect and has the humility to put others first, regardless of your success.
Why do we have the desire to be liked?
Why is it so difficult to overcome the need to be liked?
It’s hardwired into all of us. It is encoded in our DNA and is managed by our reptile brain. It’s a natural reaction. It was all about survival back then. You wouldn’t last long if you were kicked out of the tribe. Your primary desire for protection was met by belonging to the tribe. To be an effective leader, you must transcend your core evolutionary impulse.
It is the basis of Abraham Maslow’s “hierarchy of Needs.” You will only be able to fulfill your higher-order requirements if your physiological needs and feelings of comfort and safety are met. It’s the primary rationale behind much of what you do. It’s even to blame for some societal constructions we’ve built through time.
For example, some behavioral differences between men and women may be traced back to this evolutionary reality; this does not imply that it is correct; it just is.
To summarise, the need to be liked is an embedded part of who we are as humans that requires significant work to control. You may never be able to eliminate the desire for positive esteem and acceptance, but you can manage it in a way that prioritizes respect above popularity.
Once you comprehend and truly accept this philosophy, it may be condensed to “respect before popularity.”
Concluding thoughts
The above list boils down to being a responsible and good adult, which, Ideally, isn’t always easy. Being a “goody two shoes” is another term for it… And don’t they always arrive last? No.
If you search online for “how to be successful or happy,” you’ll see them again. There isn’t a single mention of being calm, wealthy, or breaching the golden rule.
So keep your standards high and prioritize your happiness before others.
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