Not many people know that there are two types of listening: active and passive. While some think listening or hearing is enough, it doesn’t always work, especially in critical situations.
The problem many people face when trying to listen is that not everything they hear gets retained in their memory. This results in them hearing what someone said, but immediately forgetting it afterward.
If you’re curious about the difference and why active listening is essential, read on to learn more about how you should be listening. Aside from explaining, it will also provide tips on formulating better responses to someone talking.
Active vs. passive listening
Active listening and passive listening are two very different things; when someone says they’re listening, they can either mean one or the other. Let’s explain the two based on their properties.
Active listening
- Engagement: Active listeners are attentive to the speaker, fully engaging with their words. Engagement can come in many forms, but the most basic way to show this is by giving your full attention and not being distracted.
- Feedback: Feedback can come in many ways, like verbal or nonverbal. This shows that a sure thing someone has said struck a chord with the person hearing it.
It can also show agreement, disagreement, questioning, curiosity, and other relevant reactions. Aside from just saying “hmm,” “aha,” or “go on,” some people also incorporate nonverbal feedback like nodding using hand motions, shoulders, or making different facial reactions.
- Empathy: It’s essential to try and understand the emotions and intent behind the words instead of only listening to them alone. Active listeners try to be as empathic as possible. When they can’t do that, they acknowledge difficulty imagining the emotion behind what somebody just said.
This is an excellent way to show the person talking that the listener is trying their best to understand them.
- Questioning: Every once in a while, it’s good to ask questions to clarify what the person just said. Of course, it isn’t advisable to overdo this since it can become annoying. Instead, pick critical points for the speaker to clarify or elaborate on.
- Clarification: Active listeners can ask the speaker to clarify what they just said by summarizing everything to see if they got it right. The more the listener shows that they’re trying to understand the speaker, the more the latter will appreciate this.
Passive listening
- Low engagement: Passive listeners often let awkward or unwanted silence get into the conversation because the listener isn’t trying to continue the conversation or offer anything of value.
- Low feedback: Most passive listeners are unresponsive or give off the wrong cues. This means very little verbal or nonverbal feedback.
- Low interaction: Passive listeners often give off the vibe that they don’t want the conversation to continue due to them not asking questions, clarifying things, or commenting on what the speaker said. Aside from not commenting, it could also be commenting on the wrong things.
- Low empathy: Clarifying how someone feels or trying to connect to them emotionally is very important when listening. A lack of this shows the speaker that the listener doesn’t care about what they’re talking about or how they feel.
- Steering to self: Sometimes passive listeners try to steer the conversation into something about them instead of listening. Not only do they not recognize what the speaker is saying, but they also become the speaker themselves or insert their unrelated topics out of the blue, which can sometimes be rude.
- Surface level understanding: Passive listeners often understand very little about the situation, making it disadvantageous when they’re quizzed about what they heard. This can be bad when trying to build a significant relationship, listening to lectures, or getting tips from somebody superior.
How to pay attention
For those who want to learn how to pay attention properly, there are certain things that they can do to become an active listener from a passive one immediately. Here are some of the basics of becoming a better listener.
Turn off the phone
Turning off your phone is the easiest way to become a more active listener. Although the phone doesn’t need to be turned off, the listener can ask for a quick moment to check their phone, make sure there’s nothing important, put it away, and never touch it throughout the conversation, showing the speaker that they’re more important than the listener’s phone.
Be patient
Try not to cut the speaker off and wait for cures before speaking. Try to follow up on what they’re saying, but if the speaker talks too fast, the listener can also ask the speaker to reiterate what they said.
Avoid opinions
Ideally, when listening to someone, avoiding forming opinions and suspending judgments and preconceived notions during the conversation are essential. When forming opinions about something, it’s often better to wait for the bigger picture instead of voicing opinions instantly.
Clarifying questions
Asking open-ended questions is a great way to show the speaker that their talk is valued since the listener is asking them to clarify the information given or expand on it. This can be done by paraphrasing and asking them to explain what they said.
To conclude
Becoming an active listener might take time, but most things that make an active listener are habits that can be practiced. Try reflecting on your actions when you listen and practice incorporating some of these hacks.
