Ancient people had the habit of giving things away so the recipients would remember their farewells. When people said goodbye, they would give their favorite things to their good friends to demonstrate their cherished friendship.
Li Ji gave two tokens to his subordinates whom he valued, but he did not give any token to the person he admired most. It’s not that he didn’t value him, but he valued him too much.
Li Ji’s parting gifts of friendship, but not to Zhang Wenguang
In the first year of Zhenguan, Li Jie was the governor of Bingzhou, and Zhang Wenguan was a military attaché. Li Ji sighed and said, “My prospects are not as good as Zhang Wenju’s.”
He treated Zhang Wenguo with great importance. At that time, there were two other lower-ranking officials whom Li Ji also valued. When Li Ji was about to transfer to the imperial court, he gave the two subordinate officials gifts of a sword and a jade belt, respectively, but he did not provide anything to Zhang Wenjuang.
Zhang Wenguo sent him more than 20 miles. Li Ji said: “As the proverb says, “A thousand-mile farewell is a goodbye. You can go back now.”
Zhang Wenguang said: “You praised everyone, and they all received your reward and went back, but I was not rewarded with anything, so I was very uneasy in my heart.”
Li Ji said: “Don’t be unhappy. One of them was indecisive in handling things, so I gave him a sharp sword to remind him to be decisive in handling things. One of them was indecisive, so I gave him a belt to warn him to pay attention to control and restraint. Your talent is so broad and versatile that there is nothing that you can handle badly, so what else do you need to give away?”
Later, Li Ji highly recommended Zhang Wenguan, and after that, Zhang Wenguan continued to rise in rank until he became a minister.
Best friends see people’s hearts
Li Ji’s gifts were a way of showing care for his subordinates. However, he did not treat Zhang Wenju as a subordinate but as a friend whom he admired. The most important thing between friends is making friends, not valuing gifts.
The Chinese often say: “A gentleman’s friendship is as light as water,” and some people think there is no material exchange between gentlemen, which is very wrong.
Gentlemen are not burdened by materials, do not rely on material things to support friends, and do not make friends with alcohol. But at the critical moment, they can give more, even give up their lives; this is the real gentleman’s friendship.
Although Li Ji did not give Zhang Wenjuang any property, he recommended Zhang Wenjuang in front of his superiors at the critical moment, giving him more room for promotion and showing his talent, which is what friends should do.
A gentleman is all about friendship. A true gentleman’s friendship is to honestly do good for another through good and courteous conduct.
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