Society often hails motherhood as one of a woman’s most fulfilling experiences. You’ve probably seen videos and photos of “super moms” on social media or felt pressure from friends and relatives on how to be the perfect mother. While you strive to be the best mom for your children, toxic positivity can prevent you from experiencing the joys of motherhood without losing your identity.
This article explores ways to reconnect with who you are beyond being a mom. But first, let’s understand how women can lose their sense of self after becoming mothers.
How you might lose yourself after motherhood
When you welcome a newborn into your life, a reorganization happens. Even if you don’t experience postpartum depression, you might feel a loss of self-identity. Interestingly, most women don’t even realize that things have changed; they are not what they used to be.
First, motherhood limits your freedom. Maybe you used to be outgoing, but now you need to limit your outings. There are diapers to change, doctor’s appointments to keep up with, sleepless nights, laundry to do, and perhaps a career to pursue. Even when you meet your friends, you may not connect like you used to because your hobbies and passions have changed.
Motherhood is also energy-sapping, especially when your children are toddlers. It exhausts you mentally, physically, and emotionally because sometimes you will be sleep-deprived and still have to deal with cries of “mama.” Soon, you become so lost in the magic of being a mother that you no longer know what you need.
The good news is that this doesn’t have to be your story. Yes, motherhood is demanding, but you can still care for yourself and find some “me time.” As one author puts it, “The best gift you can give to your family is a whole mom, a fulfilled woman.”
Tips to maintain your identity in motherhood
Motherhood should not be your sole role
When you become a mother, you care for someone who can’t physically do anything for themselves. Motherhood also comes with a “societal manual” on how to be a mother. You will be judged if you don’t adhere to much-touted “selfless mother” expectations or seem to complain because “who doesn’t love being a mom.”
However, remember that you are a multidimensional human being, and motherhood may not fulfill all your needs. Don’t feel guilty if you want other things for yourself besides raising your children.
Take care of yourself
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself while pursuing motherhood. Like yourself, respect yourself, and give yourself time to take care of your needs. Keep up with your dental and doctor’s appointments, take care of your appearance, and find time to nourish your mind or other physical needs.
Don’t compare yourself
This is easier said than done because comparing ourselves with others is human nature. However, it’s a skill you must cultivate because when you let other people dictate what it means to be a mother, you may end up feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.
Of course, you have to seek advice from time to time, but the final decision rests with you. Your children are a priority, but if you try to follow every parenting trend, you will give them subpar care because you have overstretched yourself.
Connect with friends and your spouse
Who were you before you had children? Find some time to reconnect with people who know you best. Whether it’s a dinner date with your partner, coffee with other mom friends, or a double date with another couple, this is the time to change the conversation. It’s not the time to speak about diapers, parenting hacks, the joys (or downsides) of parenting, or schooling. Of course, these conversations will pop up occasionally, but focus on new things in your life, such as new movies, books, job opportunities, personal care routines, and more.
Get out and do something you like
Set aside some “me time” for your hobbies and passions. This is the time to set aside your roles as a mother, wife, worker, or daughter-in-law. There are many healthy ways to unwind, such as going to the library or book club, exercising, enjoying a spa day, practicing yoga, journaling, and more.
Don’t feel like you have to let go of your ambitions, dreams, and passions. Developing yourself will improve your relationships with your partner and friends. Better yet, you will become a better mother.
Rediscovering yourself is a journey
Rediscovering your sense of self in motherhood doesn’t have a due date. Prioritizing self-care, reconnecting with your passions, establishing a support network, and creating boundaries will help you find the balance to thrive as a mother and an individual. Remember, self-development contributes to a happy and fulfilled family.
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