Every parent’s goal is to raise and nurture their child into a responsible adult who can navigate the world as they venture out further. You want a future adult with self-confidence, self-control, and self-esteem. Teaching your child independence fosters these qualities, but when do you start, and how do you teach them independence?
Children start yearning for independence as young as two — sometimes earlier. You’ll see them striving to feed themselves, pour drinks, open faucets, dress, or even struggle to remove their diapers. Of course, your first reaction in these situations may be to rescue them from mistakes and make things easier for them.
However, doing age-appropriate tasks presents an opportunity to help them develop independence. It also promotes perseverance and the ability to handle frustrations.
7 practical recommendations to encourage independence in children
1. Set limits
As a parent, your child’s safety is paramount. You are wiser and more capable, so allowing only reasonable risks is essential. How far can they wander away from the house? Are they at an age when you can leave them alone at home while you run a quick errand? On the one hand, you should strive to raise an independent and self-reliant child. Conversely, it’s your responsibility to ensure they feel secure and protected.
2. Set consistent routines
This sounds counterintuitive because you may feel routines will restrict their growth. However, establishing a predictable routine helps your child understand what to do throughout the day. Setting a routine doesn’t mean enforcing a rigid timetable that your children must adhere to religiously. Let them do simple routines like wearing a coat when going out, putting toothpaste on their toothbrush, or putting their dishes away after eating. You are letting your child know that you have faith in their ability to do something, which helps them take on even more responsibilities.
3. Allow children to make mistakes
Let mistakes happen because failure is part of life. It’s crucial to know not only how to bounce back, but also how to bounce back. As an adult, you should prepare your child for the realities of the outside world by allowing them to make little mistakes. Don’t freak out when they wear their clothes inside out, don’t tie their shoes properly, or forget to do their homework. There’s a heartwarming viral video online of a father encouraging his child who’s pouring milk on the floor while attempting to pour it into a cereal bowl. He allows the child to make the mistake, and the child learns from subsequent attempts. Learning to overcome adversity sets your child up for success.
4. Start early
Teach your child independence from an early age. You can start by giving them finger food that they can pick with their hands before moving to spoons and forks. You can even allow 3 and 4-year-olds to serve their meals and pour their drinks — messy as it may be! Besides eating, you can encourage them to dress themselves by buying simple clothes such as Velcro shoes or trousers with waistbands. You can also teach sign language and start swimming lessons earlier.
5. Active listening
Most of the time, we quickly offer solutions because we believe that’s our role as parents. However, you can take a step back and allow children to come up with solutions to their problems. Asking them questions will enable them to think through something and identify potential benefits or consequences. What happens when you don’t wear a coat in cold weather?
6. Offer choices
You can make your child feel they are in control by allowing them to have choices. It boosts their decision-making skills and builds a sense of responsibility. Better yet, it is a win-win situation when you want your child to choose between two greater goods. For example, if you want to cultivate good reading habits, let them choose the books they want from your list. Or if you want them to eat healthy, present two or three nutritious options.
7. Encourage projects
Projects build your child’s patience, self-esteem, and determination. Every child is different, so these projects may include arts and crafts, coloring, puzzle solving, or gardening. Encourage them along the way to help them feel proud of their accomplishments. In addition to their projects, you can also allow them to help with household chores because children love to help. Give them age-appropriate chores like putting their toys back, putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, or clearing the table as they grow older.
Becoming a team player with your child
Allowing your child to become independent is the best gift you can ever give them. The more independence they develop, the easier things become for you and them. However, remember that you have to maintain a strong bond with your child for them to develop independence. Becoming a team member of your child allows them to explore the world knowing they have your full support and understanding.
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