To bed-share or not to bed-share? That is the question on every parent’s mind regarding bed-sharing, a sleeping arrangement in which parents and young children share a bed. 

Also known as co-sleeping, children often sleep alongside their parents as they are growing up. Many families believe bed-sharing is a great way to spend time together, develop family bonds, and lessen their child’s struggles with falling asleep or waking up at night. 

While bed-sharing has benefits, it can pose potential problems to young children as they mature. Studies have shown that bed-sharing is a difficult habit to break for most children, and continuing to bedshare can lead to sleep issues for parents and their children.

Pros and cons of bed-sharing

Bed-sharing offers many benefits, and that’s why many parents find it the best option for their families. However, not all families are the same. Some find bed-sharing a hard habit to break. Here are the positive and negative effects of bed-sharing. 

Pros of bed-sharing

For infants

Some parents say they feel less worried at night when their baby is in the room or bed with them, even though bed-sharing with a newborn who awakens frequently can be disturbing. Bed-sharing makes breastfeeding more manageable, and breastfeeding has several advantages. With an adult around, the baby falls asleep more quickly. It can even help their infant regulate their body temperature.

For toddlers

Studies show that the cortisol levels of toddlers who shared beds with their parents were lower, indicating a lower stress level. Being close to a parent provides a child with a sense of stability, which helps parents and their children weather those toddler meltdowns.

Cons of bed-sharing

Increased risk of SIDS

The increased risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is one of the most severe concerns about bed-sharing. Infants who share a bed with their parents are more likely to suffocate or become buried by pillows, blankets, or other bedding items. To reduce the risk of SIDS, the American Academy of Paediatrics strongly advises against bed-sharing and recommends that newborns sleep in a separate, safe sleep setting, such as a cot or bassinet.

Safety concerns

Parents who sleep a lot or are high on medication or narcotics may be less sensitive to their child’s movements, increasing the likelihood of an accident. Bed-sharing with children might result in falls off the bed, especially if no safety measures are in place. 

Decreases quality of sleep

Bed sharing can disrupt the sleep routines of both parents and children. During the night, children shift around, kick, toss, and turn, which might disturb their sleep. This can lead to persistent exhaustion, irritability, and a general lack of well-being for everyone. Constant interruptions to sleep can have long-term consequences for the physical and emotional health of both parents and their children.

Sleep dependency

Bed-sharing is often the cause of why children struggle to sleep on their own. Children fail to develop self-soothing skills or build healthy sleep patterns when they are more used to sleeping with their parents. 

When to stop bed-sharing

According to experts, children should be able to fall asleep in their beds independently by the time they are 2 to 2 1/2 years old.

Research shows that encouraging children to learn to sleep on their own is essential for several reasons.

It encourages children to develop so-called “nighttime independence.” Children who have nighttime independence learn how to calm themselves when they feel tired, anxious, or stressed. 

If your child cannot fall asleep alone or wakes up, cries in the middle of the night, and only calms when you are close by, he may suffer from “nighttime separation anxiety.” Nighttime separation anxiety is prevalent in children under three, but can also affect older children. 

How to stop bed-sharing

If your older children are used to sleeping with you, they may find it difficult to sleep in their beds. Again, little steps help the transition.

Some things help children sleep alone at night and reduce separation anxiety.

• Rest with your child for a short period each night, gradually decreasing the amount of time as the nights pass. Allow your child to select bedding and other items to make their room and bed more comfortable.

• Establish a consistent bedtime routine. The same waking, nap, and bedtime routines will help your child feel secure, allowing them to fall asleep more easily. Bedtime routines can involve reading books to them, story-telling, or keeping their favorite blanket or toy nearby. 

• Dim the lights in the evening and expose your child’s room to light, preferably natural, when he wakes up. These light patterns promote regular sleep-wake cycles.

• Model healthy sleep behavior for your child. Do not use bedtime as a threat or punishment. Explain why getting enough sleep is a necessary part of life.

In summary

Bed-sharing has benefits, but it also has some drawbacks. What works for one family may not work for another, so it’s essential to figure out what works best for your family so everyone can have a good night’s sleep. Like many parenting choices, making informed decisions prioritizing the needs of parents and children is crucial. A sleep environment promoting safety, comfort, and strong parent-child bonds is vital for a healthy and happy family. 

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