There’s an old Chinese saying: “A great favor is like a great grudge.” While this may sound counterintuitive, it’s a truth many have experienced firsthand — especially when lending money.
When a friend or relative works up the courage to ask for a loan, it can feel heartless to say no. Yet once the money changes hands, the relationship often begins to shift. The borrower may feel little urgency to repay the debt, while the lender grows uneasy about bringing it up. If the sum is small, it might be overlooked. But when large amounts are involved, that loan can become the seed of a bitter rift — turning friends into adversaries.
Why receiving help can feel like a burden
Why does a generous favor sometimes lead to resentment instead of gratitude? The truth is, many people aren’t emotionally equipped to carry the weight of a significant debt — especially one that helped them through a crisis. The recipient may begin to feel inferior or uncomfortable, and once they realize they can never fully repay what was given, they may even wish the giver would disappear.
This is the hidden cost of kindness: Sometimes, instead of deep appreciation, a major act of generosity plants the seeds of resentment.
The following two stories from ancient China reveal how people can respond very differently to being helped — one with betrayal, the other with lasting loyalty.
Wang Wu: From a saved life to a murderous plot
During the chaotic time between the fall of the Qin Dynasty and the rise of the Han, a chivalrous man named Zhu Jia was known for his generosity and strong sense of justice. One day, he learned that government forces were arresting martial artists and forcing them to work on palace construction in Xianyang. Among those captured was a man named Wang Wu.
Wang Wu had tried to escape, hoping to return home to his family, but his attempt failed and he was sentenced to death. Upon hearing this, Zhu Jia risked his own safety to rescue him, believing Wang Wu to be a brave and worthy man. Deeply moved, Wang Wu swore eternal gratitude and promised to repay Zhu Jia for saving his life.
Years passed. Wang Wu’s luck changed — he became wealthy and powerful. Zhu Jia, on the other hand, fell out of favor and became a fugitive. By chance, the two met again, and Wang Wu invited Zhu Jia into his home.
That night, Wang Wu and his wife discussed how to repay the life-saving debt. “How about giving him a hundred taels of gold?” she suggested. Wang Wu shook his head. “That’s not enough.” “Then one thousand?” Still not satisfied, he said: “My life is worth more than that.”
His wife hesitated. “We may be rich, but we can’t give everything to your benefactor. How would we survive?” Then, after a long pause, she made a cold suggestion: “Why not kill him? He’s a wanted man. If he dies, you won’t owe him anything.”
Unbeknownst to them, Zhu Jia was standing outside and overheard the entire conversation. Horrified, he fled that very night, narrowly escaping death for the second time — this time at the hands of the man whose life he had once saved.
Ji Bu remained loyal to those who helped him
Not every story ends in betrayal. Zhu Jia also helped another man named Ji Bu, a famous general under the warlord Xiang Yu during the Chu-Han Contention. Known for his integrity and for keeping his word, Ji Bu eventually found himself on the losing side. When Liu Bang seized power, he placed a bounty on Ji Bu’s head.
Desperate and in hiding, Ji Bu turned to Zhu Jia for help. Once again risking his safety, Zhu Jia spent a fortune and pulled strings through a powerful intermediary named Xiahou Ying. Thanks to these efforts, Ji Bu was eventually pardoned.
Years later, during the reign of Emperor Wen of Han, Ji Bu reemerged and was appointed governor of Hedong Commandery. He never forgot the man who had once saved his life. Ji Bu searched far and wide for Zhu Jia, determined to repay the kindness. But by then, Zhu Jia had gone into hiding, living quietly under a false identity to avoid the dangers his good deeds had once brought him.
Understanding why some favors are hard to repay
These two stories illustrate the extremes of human nature. One man turned on his savior out of fear and selfishness. The other remained loyal, going to great lengths to return the favor. Together, they remind us that people respond to help in very different ways.
Those who understand the saying “a great favor is like a great grudge” know not to offer help lightly. When it comes to lending money or offering life-changing support, it’s often wiser to either decline or give with the mindset that you may never be repaid. Refusing may cause some tension — but offering help and later expecting repayment can shatter the relationship entirely.
A final thought
In life, some people will return kindness with cruelty, while others will repay even the smallest gesture with unwavering loyalty. By being thoughtful and cautious about how and when we help others, we can preserve our peace of mind — and avoid watching goodwill turn into regret.
Translated by Joseph Wu
Follow us on X, Facebook, or Pinterest
