One of life’s most terrible experiences is the death of a loved one. So naturally, this causes great sorrow and intense grief in even the strongest.
Grieving would be easier to understand if it followed a rational course with stages that neatly fit into categories. However, intense emotions might arise at any point during the grieving process.
Emotions, no matter how strong they are, are not permanent states. The Memorial Sloan Kettering experts provide their opinions on the grieving process and advice to bear in mind while feeling overwhelmed.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional anguish you feel when something or someone you care about is taken away from you. At times, the loss can be excruciating.
You may experience various difficult and unexpected emotions, such as amazement or wrath, disbelief, guilt, or tremendous sadness.
Grief may also hurt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or think effectively. These are common reactions to loss; the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief.
One of life’s most difficult challenges is coping with someone or something you care about. While the end of a loved one or bereavement is often the most intense source of grief, any loss can cause sadness.
People grieve for many different reasons, not only over the death of a loved one but also pets. In addition, divorce or changes in a relationship, including friendships, or changes in your health or the health of a loved one can bring on grief.
Things to understand during this fragile state
It’s okay to feel down
According to Kimarie Knowles, an MSK bereavement therapist: “Bereavement is tough enough to endure. It may be more difficult if you or others tell you what you should or should not do.” Instead, allow yourself to experience any emotions you want, such as fury, sadness, or relief. According to Dr. Wendy Lichtenthal, Director of MSK’s Bereavement Clinic, all grief-related feelings are real.
Dr. Lichtenthal states, “Everyone comes to their loss experience with their own story, their unique context, and significance. So whatever they’re going through at the time usually makes sense.”
This feeling won’t last forever
Kimarie Knowles compares grief to waves crashing on the beach. “Part of what folks find useful is riding the wave,” she explains. “Be aware that it is approaching, get help, take care of yourself, and let it go.”
Be kind to yourself
“Grief is draining,” Reverend Jill Bowden says. She recommends that you take care of your body during excessive stress. Plan naps, eat healthful foods, and drink plenty of water. Although alcohol and sugar appear to be quick fixes, they have the opposite effect in the long term.
Grief may give birth to meaning
Grief is a natural response to loving someone. Unfortunately, there is no way to get over the death of a loved one. Ms. Glaser recommends incorporating your grief into your life as you move forward. Even though we all have past experiences that influence how we see ourselves, mourning helps us to focus on what is most important to us.
The need to stay connected to what gives you a sense of purpose to cope with loss. Dr. Lichtenthal claims that these sources of meaning offer you a reason to get out of bed every day, no matter how miserable you are.
One of these touchstones might reflect on the person you wish to be amid life’s challenges. Thinking about your alternatives for dealing with adversity may be a practical exercise to recover.
Clam down; you can go through it
It’s human nature to avoid uncomfortable situations. For example, when you lose someone close to you, you may worry that you will be unable to cope. But, according to Dr.Lichtenthal: “We only learn about our capacity to bear things by going through them.”
She says that when you try to hide or dismiss your emotions, they may become much more robust when something activates them. Allowing yourself to experience painful emotions enables you to build resilience and internal resources.
Seek help when it becomes too much
Psychologists are trained to help people recover from the fear, guilt, or anxiety that often accompanies the death of a loved one. If you need help coping with your grief or loss, go to a psychologist or another qualified mental health expert. Psychologists can help patients develop resilience and coping skills for dealing with loss.
Practicing psychologists help people improve their lives by utilizing a variety of evidence-based therapies, most often psychotherapy. Doctoral-level psychologists have the most schooling of any healthcare practitioner.
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