The art of persuasion is a critical skill that can be used for all sorts of situations. Whether you need it for transactional business relationships or if you simply want to change someone’s mind, knowing how to persuade or negotiate has many advantages.
Taking a page from the FBI Hostage Negotiation Unit’s Behavioral Change Stairway Model.
5 persuasion steps to bring someone around and spark a change of mind
1. Actively listen
Persuasion starts with listening attentively. Don’t interrupt or disagree. Pay attention to their side and show it through body language or asking relevant questions to further their discussion.
2. Show empathy
Show them that you get an understanding of what they’re saying and how they feel about it. Empathy is the start of building an emotional connection.
3. Establish connection/rapport
When they accept and respond to your empathy, they start to trust you, thus building rapport. This connection is the key to persuasion.
4. Be influential
With trust as your foundation, you can begin making recommendations or exploring other solutions/courses of action.
5. Inspire a change in behavior
If the first four steps are done correctly, the other person will likely execute your desired behavioral change.
However, it’s easier said than done, right? Most of the time, the reason our persuasion doesn’t work is that we often forget how crucial it is to listen, be empathetic, and build a connection. We end up skipping straight to trying to change their minds in an “I’m right, you’re wrong” argument, which is entirely ineffective.
According to former FBI lead international hostage negotiator Chris Voss, the key to successful negotiation is taking emotions into account and using that to influence the situation. How do you focus on emotions? It all starts with active listening and building that connection.
Voss is also the author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It.
6 techniques that negotiation professionals use to leverage behavioral change
1. Avoid yes or no questions
Your goal is to communicate with the opposing party and have them open up to you. Direct questions that can be answered with yes or no can increase tension and cut your chances of forming a connection.
Go for open-ended questions, such as those that start with “what” or “how” as it shows you’re interested and at the same time gives them a feeling of being in control. As they tell you more of their goals and reasoning, it creates a collaborative environment that gives you more room for your persuasion to be effective.
2. Mindful pauses
Knowing when to pause and staying silent at the right times is a powerful skill in negotiating. These effective pauses can be used to emphasize, lessen emotional tension, encourage more talking from the other party, and a lot more depending on how you use them.
3. Mirroring
Mirroring is as simple as repeating one to three of the last words they use, in a tone that shows that you’re engaged and listening. Doing so allows the opposing negotiator to see themselves in you, making it easier to build rapport.
It also shows that you are focused on them, ensuring that they are seen and heard. It makes them feel safe, thus allowing trust to form.
4. Use encouragement and leverage positive emotions
Minimal encouragement, such as nodding, saying yes, and giving short, affirming responses that encourage the other person to keep talking, takes tension off and creates a comfortable environment for discussion.
The more you encourage them to talk, the more likely they’ll be comfortable with you. It’s easier and best to build a connection, or influence, on positive emotions.
5. Paraphrasing
Take what they are saying and repeat it back to them, but in your own words. As you paraphrase and give them a summary of their side, this shows that you understand what they are saying and opens an opportunity for them to say “that’s right.”
Those two words can establish a connection and encourage them to view you less as an antagonist and more as a collaborator.
6. Label emotions
Recognize their feelings and give them a name. If they tell you a sad story, you can respond along the lines of “you sound hurt and betrayed” instead of trying to correct what they feel by saying “you don’t have to feel that way.”
Giving their emotions a name shows empathy and that you get where they are coming from, even though you might not agree with them.
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