You make assumptions in almost all of your daily interactions. These may be small things, like assuming you will find food at a party. Or bigger ones, like assuming you didn’t get a promotion because you aren’t good enough or your boss doesn’t like you. Sometimes, you even make disastrous assumptions that ruin your relationships at work or at home.
It’s important to find ways to avoid making assumptions. An assumption is anything you accept as factual without any actual facts. And sadly, most of us make these because they are easy to make. For instance, if your spouse doesn’t do something routine for you, you may assume they don’t love you anymore and you become cold toward them.
The reality is that almost every assumption you make is wrong. You misinterpret the other person by adding subtexts or filling in the gaps and arriving at a conclusion that wasn’t intended. Such conclusions can ruin relationships and block possibilities.
So how do you stop assumptions from ruining relationships? Here are some tips to help you avoid jumping to conclusions.
How to avoid making assumptions
Learn that you are making them
The first step in working on any weakness is accepting that you have one. Start by assessing your beliefs and try to catch yourself making assumptions. You can even write your assumptions down to get more clarity.
Next, ask yourself why you shape your beliefs the way you do. Is it because of your upbringing, personal opinion, or past experiences?
Ask questions
Questions can help you overcome assumptions. They not only help you avoid making assumptions, but they also open paths of communication and clarification.
Before questioning the other person, ask yourself why you quickly assumed something was true. What evidence do you have? Why did you reach that conclusion?
Questions also reveal your desire to learn more about the other person. Enter the conversation without assumptions and a genuine desire to learn. You’ll appreciate it when it’s your turn.
Doubt
A healthy dose of doubt can be useful in your life. Yes, most personal development gurus tell you to avoid doubting yourself, but doubt is still a useful tool. Find the right balance, and it will help you avoid making assumptions.
Too much doubt will lead to inaction or make you unable to move forward. On the other hand, lack of doubt leads to overconfidence and being too sure about something, even when in the wrong. Sometimes, you are so afraid of being wrong that you continue holding on to harmful beliefs about your friends, family, coworkers, or employers.
Find multiple perspectives
It’s important to realize that you are not the only one with the whole truth about a situation. Everyone has a piece of useful information. So accept multiple perspectives, even those that are competing against what you believe in.
Many assumptions are made because people want to be in control out of a desire for “safety.” The reality is that you can’t control what others think. But you try to assume you know their thoughts so that you may feel safe or make the world less scary.
However, always gather different perspectives to understand what’s really happening. Checking your assumptions helps you avoid negative thinking loops that affect the quality of your life.
Mindfulness
You are so used to making assumptions that you probably don’t notice it. That’s where mindfulness comes in handy. Being mindful is the remedy to most of your feelings because it is about the present. You draw your attention to how you are feeling and thinking now.
With time, you will find yourself understanding your feelings and limiting assumptions. Mindfulness also helps you become more open to other possibilities and accept when you are wrong.
Improve your relationships
Stephen Covey said: “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions.”
It’s easy to think you know the intentions of others even when you don’t. That’s why assumptions destroy most relationships; they rob you of the chance to communicate and see the other person’s perspective.
Whether at work or home, always strive to avoid making assumptions. This process requires self-awareness, curiosity, reflection, and humility. It will help you understand any situation better, and others will appreciate your desire to understand things from their perspective.
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