Commitment issues — also known as gamophobia — can hinder personal growth and fulfilling relationships. This term is usually thrown around casually, but this is a complex issue that may affect professional and romantic relationships.
Overcoming commitment issues needs self-reflection, willingness to face underlying problems, and communication. If you want to know what causes these issues, whether someone has these issues, and how to break free of these issues, this article is for you.
What does it mean to have commitment issues?
Generally, commitment issues show in the fear of making long-term plans. Simply put, can somebody dedicate themselves to something for a long time?
Such issues may manifest in jobs, personal goals, or relationships. For example, in a relationship, one partner may avoid taking the next step, such as marriage. And even if they agree to marry, they may be unable to make plans, such as finances and children.
So what are the causes of commitment issues?
Why do I have a fear of commitment?
Fear of failure
You’ve probably heard the phrase “Stop looking for Mr. Right; find Mr. Left, and drag him to the right.” Some people are afraid of engaging with the wrong partner and not being available when the right one comes along. The above statement is a generalization, but it shows how commitment issues may manifest or come about.
Loss of freedom
Will your partner stop you from meeting your friends or visiting your family? Can you have my free days to yourself? Fear of loss of freedom may lead to commitment issues.
Past trauma
Commitment issues may stem from past trauma, such as parental divorce or separation. A person may think that any commitment will end with the same conflicts. Parents may also have had such high standards that it was impossible to attain them, and they may fear committing to such a person.
Anxiety and low self-esteem
People with anxiety may have problems committing to relationships or personal goals. They may question their worthiness in a connection or keep finding fault with their partner.
Attachment style
Depending on their formative years, people have different attachment styles. Some people have avoidant attachment styles or narcissistic personalities, which hinder commitment to relationships.
Signs of commitment issues
As mentioned, commitment issues are complex. They may show differently in different people, but here are general signs to help you recognize within yourself or in others.
- Avoidance of long-term plans
- Difficulty expressing their emotions
- Frequent relationship and job changes
- Fear of labels, especially avoiding relationship labels
- Anxiety about the future or irrational fear of uncertainty
Now that we’ve seen the causes and signs of commitment issues, how do you overcome these issues?
How to overcome commitment issues
Self-introspection
The first step in overcoming commitment issues is understanding what makes you afraid of committing. As mentioned, it may stem from childhood trauma or a relationship that went wrong.
Also, you’ll know your childhood attachment style, which may help you and your partner develop proper strategies.
Communication
Once you identify the underlying issues, communicate with your partner about your struggles, fears, and desires. Of course, one of the issues may be expressing your emotions, but the more you practice communicating, the easier it gets.
Set realistic expectations
Setting realistic expectations may make it easy to overcome the fear of failure or of missing out. It may also be a gateway to building your confidence and trusting your judgment.
Gradual steps
Avoid making significant commitments immediately. Instead, start with smaller achievable goals because gradual processes can help you build confidence.
Challenge negative thoughts
If you’ve identified negative thoughts through self-reflection, find ways to challenge them. It’s easier said than done, but replace irrational fears with positive perspectives and you may become better every day.
Therapy
If you can’t do it yourself, counseling or therapy can help you explore underlying problems or trauma. A therapist can help you overcome your fear of commitment and embrace personal growth.
Takeaway
Overcoming the fear of commitment is a gradual process. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, but you must be patient, challenge negative thoughts, and seek help from your partner, friends, or therapists.
Remember to celebrate your progress because small victories contribute to a positive mindset.
