Don’t say that children are born good or bad. Parents are the children’s examples in life. Children listen to what their parents say, watch what they do, and take all this to heart. As an old saying goes: “Actions speak louder than words!” So when a child is labeled good or bad, can this be a mirror for the adults in their lives?
First parent-teacher meeting
The first time I attended your parent-teacher conference was when you were in third grade. I was rushing from the wholesale seafood market, and my clothes were stained with fish, shrimp, scallops, and crabs. Even though I took a taxi, I still arrived late. I met the sarcastic and disdainful stares, and with a sense of shame and apology, I walked to your seat. My son, you, on the other hand, wiped the sweat from my forehead and handed me your little water bottle, saying: “Mummy, have some water!” In a flash, your thoughtfulness and unflappability impressed so many people.
After the parent-teacher conference, your homeroom teacher asked me to stay back a while longer, but you interjected, stating why I had to leave early: “My mother has to go home to cook for my grandparents, so can she leave first? I’ll tell her everything you had to say when I come home, and I promise I won’t miss a word!”
The teacher sighed and said: “There are more than 40 children in the class, and your son Hanliu is heartbreaking to me; he is so understanding and well-behaved.” He told me the children were asked to move their books together at the beginning of the new term. Many of the children were working under the teacher’s watchful eye, while Hanliu, unsupervised, was sweating as he skilfully carried the books in and out of the back door, almost on top of his chin.
“Can a child like this not be successful in the future? You must have done a great deed to have such a child in your family.” I shook the teacher’s hand and held it as I explained: “Hanliu’s father was paralyzed in a car accident, and both his grandparents are bedridden all year round, so I can’t take care of Hanliu at all. Since he could walk, he has been caring for his grandpa, grandma, and father, and I haven’t even had the time to take care of him.”
On the way home, I couldn’t stop crying. I kept playing back all the little moments of your life, and all my complaints about life disappeared. I realized life had presented me with so many misfortunes, but God gave me heartbreaking and comforting you.
I was waiting downstairs for you to come home from school. When you saw me, your mouth opened into an O-shape and said: “Mom, are you going on a blind date?” I pretended to hit you and exclaimed: “I’m not going on a blind date! No matter how dirty and tiring my work may be, I still have to present myself nicely and not lose the respect of others for you. So how does your mom look now that I’ve cleaned up?”
You immediately jumped up and said: “You’re gorgeous. When I grow up, I will find a wife as capable and beautiful as my mom.” At that moment, I wanted to hug you. Although you were only 5’3″ and very thin, you were already a handsome young man in my heart. But in mommy’s heart, you’ve grown into a little tree. I wanted to lean on you, not hug you.
Lives depart
During the three years of junior high school, we sent off your grandpa and grandma. On the day I left my mother, I came home bawling my eyes out. You approached me and hugged me, saying: “Mom, although Grandma didn’t live as long as other people’s grandmothers, you let her live a decent life.”
Before bed that evening, you gave your father and me a footwash. Traditionally, we used to wash our grandparents’ feet only, but now we’re getting the same treatment.
Your father was overcome with emotion. You laughed and said to him: “What’s so touching about me washing my father’s and mother’s feet? My mother has washed my grandfather’s and grandmother’s feet for over 20 years; I must learn from my mother.”
At that moment, I wanted to say: “Don’t learn from your mother because no mother wants to see her son too tired.”
Just as the pressure of our lives was lessening, Dad’s mood became worse and worse. On his 39th birthday, you used the money you saved from skipping lunch to buy him a big cake. However, when you pushed open the door of your home, what awaited you was the tragic scene of your father slitting his wrists and committing suicide. The first thing you did was to tie up his bleeding arm with a towel and then call an ambulance, and it was only when he was out of danger that you called me.
At the door of the hospital room, you promised me three things. First, we are not to blame because the person sitting in the wheelchair is Dad and not us. Second, we cannot show sympathy and should not encourage his pessimism to repeat the action. Third, we cannot show any fear, as I will be able to deal with this matter so that my father will never again think about it.
When I entered the hospital room, I was in tears. I said nothing about my heartache or complaints, but held his hand tightly. “Dad, if you’re here, I’ll have a father to call, and if my mother comes home after a long day, she’ll have a companion to ask for warmth and comfort. Dad, I will make you happy.” Your words made me forget to cry.
I can’t believe how much you’ve grown — you astound me. For such a small person — you have a big heart.
I sang on stage
Your father gradually became more cheerful, alleviating my concern for you, so my mood improved daily. I was singing while cooking one day, and when I got to the point of forgetting myself, I realized that you were leaning against the door, watching me. I blushed, and you rushed to me, shouting: “Mom, you’re such a good singer. If you’d started a few years earlier, you’d have been a star!”
At this point, your father interjected: “Son, your mother was a genuine literary artiste in the early days; otherwise, your father, who is so handsome, would not have pursued her so shamelessly!” Our whole family laughed.
There was a time when we had forgotten humor in the face of life’s cruelty. Son, you are the one who made this family laugh. You are a small man with a big heart.
From that day on, the first thing you did after school was to push your dad into the neighborhood. Before his accident, he was a railway worker with a talent for cutting hair. To make Dad feel useful, you knocked on your neighbors’ doors, hoping they would come and cut their hair for free. You also promised to pay for them to go to the hairdresser’s to repair their hair if it wasn’t to their liking. All the neighbors, young and old, came to see you.
That day after work, I watched from afar as you worked as a father and son team, giving a haircut and serving tea and water to the neighbors. The corners of your father’s mouth had a smile I hadn’t seen in years. It was you who found the key to make him happy.
When Grandma Yang saw me, her tears were like broken threads of beads: “This child understands things so well that it hurts my heart.” Everyone in the neighborhood gradually learned about you, and many parents were interested in letting their children socialize with you.
I once heard you lecture an older sophomore boy: “Next time, don’t talk to your parents like that! If you talk like that again, don’t admit to living in our neighborhood; we can’t afford to lose face.”
I accidentally learned how you made him obey you. You were once bullied by the older children in the courtyard, and one particular boy (king child) robbed you of your money every day. You couldn’t spare the money, so you let him beat you. Until one day, that boy was bullied by another child who was bigger than him, and you threw a punch.
Afterward, this older child asked: “Why did you help me?” You said, “Because you are a member of our neighborhood!” Since you are seen as the king of the children in our area, if you lose, all the children here will have a hard time. I didn’t do anything before because I was afraid that if I beat you up, my mother would have to pay for your treatment. The older boy and his brothers were shocked; thus, you won their hearts and respect.
At that moment, I was incredibly remorseful. I was an incompetent mother, a stranger to your world, yet you gave me such high honors.
Music teacher
Even though I considered it a joke, you seriously hired the mother of one of my classmates to be my voice coach and performance teacher — she was a music professor at the Conservatory of Music. As you can imagine, every day at noon, I come back from the wholesale seafood market. It was funny to rinse myself off, wear nice clothes I normally wouldn’t wear, and take the bus twice to my teacher’s house.
When I didn’t want to cooperate, you took out one of my stage photos and said: “Mom, you have to have a hobby so that when you shout ‘Yellow Croaker, Fresh’ again, people will see you’re different from everyone else.” In the end, I didn’t argue with you.
I was very shy the first time I sang in front of you. You said: “Go ahead, you’re the only pretty girl in our family — you must have confidence!” I laughed and then sang The Love of Green Leaves for Roots. I don’t remember how I finished it, but I just remembered singing until I was in tears.
I still went to the seafood market at dawn daily, and my life was still very hard. But when I got home at noon, I dressed up like a lady and went to the park with some old friends in my neighborhood to sing and play. When the Avenue of Stars team called me, I was dumbfounded. You were the one who signed me up! I blamed you for causing me trouble, but you said lightly: “Just pretend that the CCTV stage is the South Lake Park in Shenyang.”
I couldn’t say no to you because I suddenly thought of the scene when I went to your family’s parent-teacher conference in disheveled clothes. I wanted to make you proud of me for once. For you, I will go on a dazzling stage, even if it is on a mountain of fire.
We’ll still be mother and son in the next life
In Beijing, my mindset was very relaxed. I can’t win the title, but I must be a mother on the stage. After my performance, I was interviewed. I didn’t realize the host would schedule a phone call with you during this interview.
I didn’t know what to say to you when I got on the phone, and in a moment of desperation, I blurted out: “Son, don’t be my son in your next life. No mother would want to see her son working so hard for the family!” I burst into tears and couldn’t speak. “Mom, I will still be your son in the next life. You are a great mother, and you are my pride.”
Our family still has to make ends meet and occasionally faces the slight danger of running out of food. But that doesn’t stop us from living in joy and laughter daily. You made me realize that trouble and happiness are both self-generated.
You will embark on the south train tomorrow to start your university career. You finally have your own life. I am enjoying this moment greedily as I see you wandering around before my eyes, settling in with your father and me. I want to tell you, who are traveling far away: “Son, because of you, my life has always been filled with good times!”
Translated by Eva and edited by Maria
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