A teacher invited me to his home for dinner in high school, and I was thrilled. We had dumplings, and when they were served, the teacher said something that moved me deeply: “I’ve been teaching for 50 years, and I promise you with my life that you will succeed in the future.” Tears fell onto my dumplings; no one had ever understood me like that, promising with their life.
However, two weeks later, I discovered that all the children in the class had been to his house for dumplings. He had promised each of them success in his life. So even if you don’t score top exam marks, someone can guarantee your success.
When it came time for university entrance exams, I didn’t pass the first or second year. Finally, in the third year, I got in. The passing score was 361, and I scored 361.5. I went home and wrote “Congratulations to Lin Qingxuan for making the Honor Roll” on red paper and pasted it on the front door. In college, I wondered who the lucky person was who scored 361.
After some investigation, I discovered it was Zhang Yi, now the owner of the Liuli Gongfang company, a Fortune 500 company. This shows that even if a child’s grades aren’t outstanding, don’t give up because every child is unique. Like planting, you grow bamboo and bananas on hillsides, watermelons and cantaloupes in sandy soil, and taro in muddy ground. Different plants suit different soils; there’s no one-size-fits-all. The tragedy of this world is trying to make everyone the same in one school, hoping education will make them identical, which is a big problem.
Are you brave enough to let your child achieve 7th to 17th place?
I was a poor student when I was young, consistently scoring in the red and never reaching 60 points. One year, I finally scored over 60 and was so happy to show my father. He was eating and put down his bowl, laughing heartily. My siblings were puzzled — how could he laugh at such poor scores? My father said he had been looking for a successor for years, and now he had found one. I panicked; my father was a farmer, as were the three generations before him, and I didn’t want to be a farmer. So I worked hard to study.
Parents care a lot about grades and want their children to be first. However, today’s world elites were not top students; they ranked 7th and 17th in their classes. The reason is that these children have better interpersonal skills, can be friends with top and bottom students, and have less pressure, leading to a more relaxed life and better creativity. I was truly moved when I realized the reason for my success: there were only 17 students in my class.
If your child is first, let them relax and aim for 7th to 17th place to succeed. If your child is at the bottom, encourage them to work towards the top 17.
Slow down to understand your child
I recall a story from a parent who returned from a business trip wanting to pick up his son, only to find all the students had left. When he asked the teacher, he was told his son had graduated two years ago.
Children grow up too fast. If you don’t love them well and live with them, you won’t recognize them or see into their hearts. I have a great relationship with my kids. Every day when they leave, I pat their shoulders and say: “Dad loves you; keep it up.” When they return, I hug them and say: “Dad loves you; you worked hard today.”
I am friends with my three children and learn from them. When my eldest went to college, I gave him a pouch with four phrases: “Have great aspirations, be determined, keep a humble heart, and maintain a gentle spirit.” A successful person needs only great dreams, strong will, humility, and a gentle demeanor.
Four essential skills for children to master
There are many essential things in life beyond studying. Children should master these skills:
- Coping with adversity: This skill is honed not just through study, but also through labor.
- The ability to love: A student once did an experiment: going home and hugging loved ones, even lifting 100 pounds and spinning around. Facing family and friends with abundant love helps face life better.
- Understanding the diverse values of life: In Tainan, a high school student whose father was a pineapple farmer had to assess the sweetness of pineapples by tapping them three times. Over the years, his father’s fingers became swollen. Feeling sorry for his father, the student invented a machine that could tap three times to determine sweetness, winning a gold medal at the British Invention Awards. A child’s understanding of life is more important than grades.
- Worldview: Many children study abroad, and parents say it’s to develop their worldview, which is a great idea. Understanding the world’s vastness helps recognize one’s insignificance, weakens personal suffering, and fosters tolerance.
Expressing emotions and thoughts
Children should learn to understand themselves and express themselves, especially introverted ones. A boy liked a girl and wanted to ask her out, but got nervous and scared her away. Overcoming inner tension helps us express ourselves. Educating children according to their characteristics awakens the seeds within them. “Good” children have awakened their inner seeds and recognized themselves. “Bad” children just haven’t awakened yet and live in confusion.
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