In parenting, a casual comment can make the difference between raising a confident child and one who quietly withers.
Picture this: a little girl proudly shows her father the block house she built in a quiet park. “Look, Dad, I made a house!” she says, her eyes beaming. But the father, eyes glued to his phone, glances up and replies: “What kind of house is that? No roof, no windows — do it again.”
In a heartbeat, the child’s joy fades. She silently disassembles her creation, the sparkle gone from her face. Contrast this with another scene in the same park — a mother watching her daughter build a castle. She asks about the girl’s design ideas, praises her creativity, and delightfully says: “Wow, it’s so beautiful — I’d love to live there!” The girl’s confidence blossoms, and she adds a garden, tries new structures, and keeps going even when her blocks fall.
This is the power of parenting energy. One child was shut down by critique, while the other was fueled by encouragement.
1. Be your child’s biggest fan
Confidence is like oxygen for a growing child, and parents have the power to provide or withhold it with every word.
A viral video captured a moment between a father and his 4-year-old daughter at a skate park. The slope was steep, and the little girl was afraid. The father didn’t push — he said: “Don’t worry. I’ll go first and wait for you at the bottom.” Minutes later, she took the plunge, fell hard, and started crying. But instead of scolding her, the dad praised her effort: “You did it! You were so brave. Falling is part of learning. Try again, and it’ll get easier.” With each attempt, her courage grew. Soon, she was skating beside her father — fearless and free.
By contrast, a woman shared her painful memory online: As a child, she loved art, won contests, and decorated her classroom with drawings. But when she proudly showed her parents a second-place ribbon, her mother brushed it off with: “You never study this hard. Stop wasting time.” Her father agreed. That one comment made her feel like nothing she did mattered. Slowly, she stopped drawing.
Psychologist William James once said: “The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.”
Many parents fall into the trap of “tough love” when their children need genuine support. Cheering on their children becomes a stabilizing force, fueling courage, resilience, and self-worth.
2. Patient presence builds security
In the TV series The Exam, a girl named Tian Wenwen is left to be raised by her grandmother while her parents work in another city. After her grandmother’s death, Wenwen lives alone. When her parents return to visit — with a younger sibling in tow — Wenwen realizes they’ve always had more time and affection for her sister than for her. She becomes overwhelmed with loneliness and despair, eventually climbing to a rooftop, ready to end her life. “Why did you leave me behind?” she screams at her mother. “Do you know how lonely I’ve been?” It wasn’t the lack of material support that broke her — it was the lack of emotional presence.
This scenario plays out in real life far too often. Children raised by grandparents in rural areas, while their parents pursue urban jobs, frequently cling desperately when it’s time to say goodbye. Their arms say what their voices can’t: Please don’t leave me again. High-level parenting means showing up — not just financially, but emotionally. When children know their parents are genuinely there for them, they build the inner security they carry for life.
As psychologist David Elkind explains: “Children need to feel they matter — to know they are surrounded by love.”
And when they are, they thrive.
3. See the world through your child’s eyes
Empathy is a game-changer in parenting. It’s what allows parents to guide their children without pushing them away.
Take Chinese education entrepreneur Yu Minhong. When his daughter began piano lessons at the age of 5 and passed her Level 10 exam by the age of 10, it seemed like a success. But when she started resisting practice, Yu didn’t criticize her. Instead, he took her to a live concert and spoke from the heart: “I never wanted you to learn piano just for grades. I wanted you to have a companion when you feel lonely in life. The piano can be your friend — someone you can talk to through music.” His daughter didn’t just keep playing — she played with renewed love. By stepping into her shoes, Yu reconnected her with her “why.” It wasn’t about pressure or perfection. It was about purpose.
When parents empathize — when they ask what their child feels, what they fear, and what they hope for — they unlock a powerful connection. Children feel seen, heard, and understood. And when that happens, they don’t resist guidance — they seek it.
A mindset shift that changes everything
Numerous demands, distractions, and pressures characterize modern parenting. But at its heart, the most powerful parents don’t have all the answers — they have the right attitude. They know when to cheer, when to stay, and when to listen. They stop pouring cold water on their child’s sparks of curiosity and instead nurture the fire.
So the next time your child shows you a crooked drawing or tells you they’re afraid to try — pause. Your response might just shape who they become.
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