In 2015, the beloved Chinese actress Ding Jiali — best known for her roles in popular TV dramas, such as Chuang Guandong — made a shocking public confession during a domestic charity forum. Standing before a stunned audience, she openly admitted to leading a life she now describes as “morally lost,” revealing her experience with four abortions. Her words, full of raw honesty and personal pain, were not meant for sensationalism, but as a heartfelt warning to younger generations.
“I have a daughter,” Ding Jiali began. “And I don’t want her to repeat my mistakes.” With this simple but powerful statement, she began to share the personal and cultural confusion that led her astray. Raised with traditional values, she rebelled against them in the name of “sexual liberation” — a concept that once seemed empowering but, in her experience, brought only deep emotional and physical consequences.
The forbidden fruit is bitter: How breaking taboos changed everything
Ding Jiali recalled how her youthful defiance of conservative ideals — especially around relationships and sex — shaped her life. “My parents tried to raise me right,” she said. “But I just didn’t listen. I thought they were old-fashioned and backward.”
Just one year after college, she entered a relationship and, as she put it, “tasted the forbidden fruit.” It was her first experience, initiated by her, and although her boyfriend (later her first husband) hesitated, she didn’t consider the consequences. What shocked her was what followed: Her boyfriend’s attitude completely shifted. “He said I ruined one of the most beautiful stages of his life,” she recalled, his tone filled with disappointment. “If you don’t respect yourself, others won’t respect you either.”
The relationship soured, and Ding Jiali soon found herself pregnant. While juggling a budding acting career, she suffered immense emotional stress, insomnia, and hair loss. In secret, she fled to a small clinic on the outskirts of Beijing to undergo an abortion. The memory of that experience haunts her: “It felt like someone was slicing into my soul with a blade,” she said, her voice trembling.
Painful choices and broken bonds: When regret came too late
The trauma of her first abortion didn’t stop the cycle. After marrying, Ding Jiali’s husband began working away from home for long stretches. Lonely and emotionally vulnerable, she entered an affair with a married man. Once again, she became pregnant. But when she sought support from him, he dismissed her with cold indifference. “He asked: ‘Is it even mine?’ and told me to solve it myself.”
She was devastated. Alone, she went through another abortion — and then immediately traveled to northeastern China for a film shoot in the freezing outdoors. The brutal conditions only worsened her health. She developed pelvic inflammatory disease, which became chronic and incurable. “Every time I tire or catch a cold, it flares up. It feels like someone is tearing at my waist with iron hooks,” she shared.
Her body began to break down — severe hormone imbalances, stomach ulcers from medication, and constant physical discomfort followed her for years. But what hurt even more was the emotional toll. Her confession to her parents about two of her abortions was met with deep disappointment. Her father was so enraged that he slapped himself in front of her. “Each slap felt like it landed on my heart,” she said.
Eventually, her marriage crumbled. Her second marriage fared no better — her new husband cheated, and the relationship dissolved. By 2015, she had spent nearly two decades raising her children on her own. “It’s karma,” she admitted. “I ruined another woman’s family. I hurt my parents. I acted without integrity. How could I expect blessings?”
The high cost of ‘sexual liberation’
Ding Jiali now warns young women about the risks of premarital sex and casual relationships, speaking from painful personal experience. “Many people think abortions are no big deal,” she said. “But they’re deceiving themselves. The physical and emotional consequences are real — and often permanent.”
She described the medical dangers, particularly for teenage girls: perforated uteruses, infertility, hormonal disorders, and even death. “Their bodies are still developing,” she explained. “One careless moment can destroy their future.” She cited sobering statistics: China sees 5 million abortions by unmarried women annually — half of them underage. Unsafe procedures, often involving unregulated medication, lead to tragic outcomes.
Ding Jiali recounted the story of a once-stunning colleague who became pregnant at the age of 21. Desperate to hide it, the woman tried extreme methods to self-induce a miscarriage, but failed. Eventually, she delivered a stillborn baby in a hospital and was expelled from her performing troupe. Years later, Ding Jiali saw her again — unrecognizable, emotionally distant, and weighed down by life’s hardships. “She told me: ‘You think I turned out okay?’” Ding Jiali recalled. “Her life had been forever altered.”
Reclaiming responsibility as an artist and a mother
Now, Ding Jiali is rethinking her role in media and culture. She regrets participating in films with sexual content, believing she contributed to a cultural shift that glamorized promiscuity. “I used to think it was ‘art,’” she said. “But real art, in traditional Chinese culture, teaches purity and virtue.”
She shared a memory of her mother, a stage actress who once kicked her out of the house for singing pop songs. “My mom asked: “Is pop culture automatically noble just because it’s popular?” That question stuck with Ding Jiali — and today, she agrees with her mother’s wisdom.
She put these thoughts into a book titled Go Home: Ding Jiali Tells Her Own Stories. It tells of experiencing passionate moments of acting, glorious summits, and unavoidable lows; Ding Jiali, in this book, looks back to the essential existence through her eyes of wisdom and sympathy and narrates the most important people and things in her life, telling us that we can’t wait to fulfill a filial duty, to enjoy life or to cherish what we have.
Why girls must protect their hearts — and their future
Ding Jiali is now an outspoken advocate for self-respect among young women. She believes today’s media landscape — filled with provocative content — encourages dangerous behavior. “There are more adult stores than bookstores,” she noted. “And six out of ten customers are teenagers.”
She recently turned down a high-paying film role based on a Ming Dynasty erotic novel and actively discouraged her peers from accepting such projects. “I made sure the production fell apart,” she admitted. “There are so many heroic, beautiful stories from our history — why are we promoting this garbage?”
In the final moments of her speech, Ding Jiali delivered a poignant message: “A woman’s starting point is everything. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.” She called on girls to guard their innocence, avoid harmful temptations, and strive for love built on mutual respect and lasting commitment.
“I never experienced the true care of a man,” she concluded. “Because I didn’t care for myself first. I paid a high price for breaking from tradition. I hope my pain helps someone else avoid it.”
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