When we are kids, we are taught that saying “I’m Sorry” is a fundamental aspect of human interaction. But somehow, offering an apology is one of the most challenging things for adults.
Understanding why apologies are difficult for adults is the first step in mastering the art of apologizing. Stephen Covey, an American educator and author, best summed up the importance and impact of apologies.
He said: “It takes great character strength to apologize quickly out of one’s heart rather than out of pity. A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and values to apologize genuinely.”
This article explores why making apologies is challenging, provides practical tips for effective apologies, and explains why apologies are a sign of strength, contrary to popular misconceptions.
Why it’s difficult for some people to apologize
Sometimes, even the best of us can fail to apologize. It may be because we didn’t care enough about the person we wronged or felt our apology didn’t matter.
The significant reasons why apologizing is hard include:
Ego and pride
Ego may be the driving force behind a lack of empathy when you’ve wronged. Such people think they’ll look weak when they apologize because of some misconceptions passed down to them.
On the contrary, apologizing doesn’t diminish your self-worth. It shows a rare blend of strength and self-awareness.
Fear of consequences
Thinking there will be negative consequences like damage to reputation or relationships can stop people from apologizing. But if you shift your focus to the positive outcomes of an apology, you’ll notice that it fosters relationships and rebuilds trust.
Lack of self-awareness
Some people don’t understand the impact of their words and actions. Self-awareness helps you reflect, seek feedback, and understand when an apology is needed.
Misunderstanding an apology
Apologies are often misconstrued as an admission of guilt rather than knowing the impact of your actions or words. However, look at it from another angle and express a genuine desire to make amends.
Lack of communication skills
A lack of communication skills can prevent someone from making a sincere apology. Here, it would be best if you worked on skills such as active listening, choosing your words carefully, and a genuine expression of remorse.
Tips for apologizing effectively
Acknowledge the wrongdoing
Clearly say what you’re apologizing for, showing a genuine understanding of the situation. For instance: “Yesterday during our argument, I said…”
Acknowledge the person’s feelings are legitimate
Validate the other person’s hurt feelings, making them feel you’re empathetic. “I understand what I said must be hurtful.”
Show genuine remorse
Show that you understand the impact of your words or actions. “I am genuinely sorry I used those words.”
Take responsibility
Accept the impact of your actions without deflecting blame on others. “When snapping at you, I should have taken into consideration…”
Offer to make amends
When offering to make amends, suggest ways to change the situation. “From now on, I should use kinder words.”
How making an apology is a sign of strength
Vulnerability
As we glimpsed earlier from Covey’s quote, apologizing requires you to acknowledge mistakes and be vulnerable. It’s a testament to inner strength.
Self-reflection
You can’t make a sincere apology without introspection. That’s why apologizing shows your willingness to learn and grow.
Building trust
Let’s say you’ve had an argument with your spouse, and you’re both waiting for the other to apologize first. Suppose you make the first step, you’ll demonstrate integrity and commitment to building and repairing your relationship.
This applies not only in your relationships, but also in your professional ones.
Emotional resilience
Knowing the impact of your words and actions shows you have emotional resilience. It’s a manifestation of emotional intelligence.
Maintaining relationship
Saying the words “I’m sorry” is a powerful tool for mending or fortifying relationships. Besides showcasing emotional maturity, it shows you’re invested in your relationship.
Takeaway
Offering an apology is hard for most adults, but it is a sign of strength. By understanding the hindrances to apologizing, embracing vulnerability, and honing communication skills, you can gracefully navigate the delicate terrain of apologies.
Saying sorry can mend relationships and show emotional maturity and resilience.
