Maintaining healthy boundaries is the blueprint for a fulfilling life. Boundaries aren’t obstacles; they are essential guidelines that protect your well-being, define your personal space, and ensure mutual respect in your interactions and relationships.
We all have our no-nos in life, and when these limits are crossed, it leads to emotional exhaustion, less happiness, and resentment. However, most people don’t know how to set these limits. It’s not something that’s taught in school or something that most people learn from their parents.
This article explores practical tips on how to set boundaries in your personal and professional relationships.
How to set boundaries in your relationships
Self-reflection
Before you set boundaries, introspection is crucial. What are your needs, values, and personal limits? Also, do you have the same limits for your spouse, family, friends, and colleagues, or are they different for everyone in your life?
Understand what makes you feel comfortable and what makes you uneasy. For instance, do you think discussing personal problems with your coworkers is appropriate? If not, you can set boundaries against sharing deeply emotional issues with your colleagues or being a sounding board for gossip.
Clear communication
Once you understand your limits, you need to articulate them assertively and respectfully. Open communication helps with mutual understanding.
Also, ensure you aren’t vague because this may lead to misinterpretation. Say what crosses the line and provide concrete evidence that shows your expectations. Speak up for yourself and allow others to do the same.
Be consistent
Consistency shows you are serious about the boundaries you’ve set. Ensure the people around you understand your values and limits aren’t negotiable.
For instance, if you don’t want your coworker peeking over your shoulders, tell them that and don’t “let it slide next time.”
Prioritize self-care
Setting boundaries is an act of self-care that preserves your emotional and mental health. So it’s essential to realize this step isn’t a selfish act; it’s a crucial one.
Also, ensure people around you don’t guilt trip or gaslight you into thinking you’re making a mistake when caring for yourself. People may blame you, accuse you of overreacting, downplay your emotions, or deny that they’ve crossed your boundaries.
That’s why the introspection step is very crucial.
Take responsibility
As mentioned, going through life without setting boundaries leads to emotional exhaustion and unhappiness. So understand that it’s up to you to set these boundaries and avoid relying on your friends, family, or colleagues for validation or happiness.
Remember, setting boundaries doesn’t mean blaming people for your problems. That’s why experts recommend using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Instead of saying: “You never want to take care of duties,” say: “Moving forward, I will be occupied with this or that, and I won’t be able to do this.”
Also, be ready to accept difficult circumstances and make decisions that resonate with your values. You’ll lose friends or close family members, but you’ll be happier not pleasing everyone around you if you’re right.
Don’t always be the ‘yes’ person
This is one of the trickiest things to balance. Sometimes, your friend or family member may genuinely need your help, for example, if they ask you to babysit when something urgent arises.
But sometimes, saying “no” to someone can be powerful. It means you’ve said “yes” to yourself. However, if saying no is difficult for you, you can use other words to express your point, but ensure you never give deceptive or long-winded excuses.
If someone finds out you lied to them, they may feel more betrayed than if you said “no.”
Avoid excessive apologies and reply at the moment
Some instances warrant an apology. For example, if you aren’t available for a meeting, you can say so without giving too much detail about your personal life or over-apologizing.
If you’re setting clear boundaries, you don’t need other people’s validation or approval. Going on and on about why you can’t do something for someone shows you are guilty, ashamed, or afraid. It opens an avenue that they can manipulate.
Listen to your intuition
In life, you must occasionally do something you don’t want. For instance, you may be called up to work on an emergency when you’re on holiday or take your niece to the hospital on your day off.
But sometimes, that “inner voice” telling you to say no is right. You’re crossing your limits if you constantly change your plans for others and overexert yourself.
Celebrate your success
As mentioned, setting boundaries may become a lonely and uncomfortable journey. However, once you maintain a healthy balance with your coworkers, friends, and family, acknowledge your success.
Positive reinforcement may help resolve and commit to self-care.
Clear boundaries: The place where individuality meets unity
You can empower yourself to live authentically by understanding the importance of boundaries, introspection, clear communication, and navigating different relationships.
Setting boundaries is a continuous process that requires self-awareness, courage, and commitment. If you can’t complete this journey alone, seek professional help to work on self-empowerment and assertiveness training.
