Cultivating a noble character is the most esteemed quality you can possess. But what constitutes such character? The ancient Chinese text on life, Caigen Tan, offers a clear perspective: “Not faulting minor mistakes of others, not exposing their secrets, and not dwelling on their past wrongs, these three can prevent harm and nurture one’s virtue.”
In life, embrace tolerance in minor faults
It’s a common saying that no one is perfect. We all err at times, and occasionally, others’ mistakes can even cause us harm. However, nitpicking and seeking revenge only escalate conflicts and lead to greater personal harm. In life, adopting a broad-minded and kind approach toward others’ slip-ups and indiscretions ensures that life’s path becomes ever broader, akin to stepping back to see the vastness of the sea and sky.
Lu Mengzheng, a dignitary from the Song Dynasty, exemplified this magnanimity. Upon his first court appearance as an official, despite being disdainfully remarked upon by a court clerk, Lu chose not to take offense. His companions, outraged, wanted to investigate the clerk, but Lu dissuaded them, wisely noting that forgetting such slights causes no harm. This wisdom and tolerance, the essence of not faulting others for their minor mistakes, serves as a panacea for managing interpersonal relations, fostering an environment where mutual respect and peace prevail.
Guarding others’ secrets
Managing your speech, especially regarding others’ private matters, is crucial. The story of Fu Bi, a notable official from the Northern Song Dynasty, serves as a prime example. Despite differing views with the reform advocate Wang Anshi, and eventually resigning from his chancellor position, Fu Bi never spoke ill of Wang Anshi. This discretion, akin to the proverb “keeping one’s mouth as sealed as a bottle,” reflects integrity and public virtue. The highest realm of personal conduct is like still water running deep: Attending to one’s affairs, guarding one’s speech, and maintaining confidentiality are among the most challenging yet rewarding practices.
Letting go of past grievances
A popular sentiment holds that one’s true character is revealed by how they speak of you to others. Constantly speaking ill of someone or highlighting their faults is not the basis for a worthwhile relationship. The principle of “forgiving and forgetting past wrongs” underscores the importance of self-improvement and personal growth over holding onto past grievances.
The magnanimity of Empress Bian, despite being previously slighted by Ding, Emperor Cao Cao’s first wife, illustrates this beautifully. Even after becoming the principal wife, Empress Bian treated Ding with even greater kindness, and upon Ding’s death, she requested Cao Cao to arrange a grand funeral for her. This act of forgiveness, transcending the desire for revenge, is a hallmark of wisdom. By embracing a forgiving heart, one not only resolves personal animosities, but also paves the way for a broader, more fulfilling life journey.
In essence, navigating life gracefully involves cultivating tolerance for minor faults, guarding others’ secrets with integrity, and letting go of past grievances. These practices not only protect you from misfortune, but also enhance your character, leading to a life of respect, peace, and virtue.
Translated by Katy Liu
