When trying to comfort someone going through a difficult time, such as the loss of a loved one, a breakup, or a job loss, finding the right words or actions to comfort and support them is difficult. Saying the wrong thing may make you seem judgmental and uncaring, but not saying something or not showing up is equally hurtful.
So what do you say or do, how do you say it, and when? This article explores tips you can use to comfort someone going through tough times.
How to comfort someone going through a tough time
1. Be there and listen
Being there and listening shows that you genuinely care. Some people may choose to get over their pain quietly, but being there for them throughout and after their crisis will mean a lot to them. Let the person know you are available whenever they need a shoulder to lean on.
2. Show empathy
Contact the person as soon as you hear about their predicament or loss. If you’re nearby, you can show up, but if you’re not, a prompt message, call, card, or flowers will show them that you’re thinking about them.
Also, avoid generic messages such as “sorry for your loss.” Not that there’s anything wrong with these messages, but you can go for more expressive messages that encourage your friend to express their feelings. For example, “I don’t know what you’re going through. But I want you to know that I’m here for you.”
3. Ask them how you should help
People grieve in various ways, so it’s advisable to ask what you can do for them. Sometimes, you may feel it’s part of your job to cheer someone up, give them a different perspective, suggest a party, or uplift them with advice. However, being open to understanding their situation and how they want to overcome it works better than any preconceived ideas of providing comfort that you may have.
Remember, sharing stories is a great way to get the other person to open up. For example, if they’ve lost a loved one and you knew them, you can share a story about a time you interacted with them and how it impacted you.
4. Validate their feelings
Even in our best moments, we always want to feel we are being understood and seen. Offering a listening ear to a hurting person becomes even more comforting and uplifting because they not only feel understood but also that they are part of something.
So, avoid statements like, “I know how you’re feeling,” before you even listen to what the other person is going through. You may have been in a similar situation, but allow them to give you their unique perspective.
5. Do big or small favors for them
Do whatever you can to help a friend or family member going through a hard time. If they are in hospital, you can offer to water their plants, care for their children, or babysit for a while. You may also offer to cook them a home-cooked meal, pick up their groceries, or even clean their house if you can.
Other favors transcend material things, such as offering to go with your friend for a walk, hike, or yoga. Any physical activity may prove helpful in relieving psychological and mental stress, even though grieving is a deeply emotional process. Plus, it gives a person a chance to socialize, provides a sense of control, and reduces the feeling of isolation.
6. Remind them of their strengths
Words of encouragement and affirmation may go a long way in ensuring a person bounces back from hard times. Whether in person or by text, remind someone their feelings are normal, but their strength will help them overcome their situation. Show them they are unique and they’ve overcome similar obstacles before.
Avoid statements like “Cheer up!” or “This is not that bad!” These can make a person feel guilty for their grief, unwilling to share their deep feelings, and even build resentment.
7. Be sincere
Keep it real if you don’t know what to say or do. A healthy dose of honesty may be what the other person needs to find comfort and reduce loneliness. Remember, even a hug or your presence may be enough for that person.
Takeaway
Comforting a grieving or disappointed person requires patience, empathy, and kindness. Everybody has different grieving methods, but you must ensure your friend or family member doesn’t choose destructive behavior by offering constructive support. This includes asking what they need from you and being sincere and confident in your response and actions. Also, remember, there’s no way to fix grief, and it may go on for longer, so continue offering your support even after the “grief period” is over.
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