The ancients were not always serious. They could also be humorous in their interactions with each other.
Some ancient humorous conversations
1. Yanzi’s visit to the State of Chu
Yanzi (578-500 B.C.) was on a mission to the Chu State. Chu’s people laughed at Yanzi’s short stature and told him to enter through a small door (for dogs) next to the big one (for people). Yanzi said: “One should only use the dog door when in a dog country. I am now on a mission to Chu. Are you sure it is right for me to use the small door?” The King of Chu asked: “Is there no one in the Qi State? Why do they let someone like you come here?” Yanzi said: “As envoys, virtuous people go to virtuous nations, and unworthy people go to unworthy nations. I am so bad that I have been assigned to come to Chu.”
2. To sweat and not to sweat
When two brothers, Zhong Yu and Zhong Hui (225-264), went to meet Cao Pi, Zhong Yu was sweating and nervous, while Zhong Hui was very calm. Cao Pi asked: “Zhong Yu, why are you sweating so much?” Zhong Yu said: “Your Majesty is so powerful that I am sweating in the rain.” Cao Pi asked Zhong Hui: “Why aren’t you sweating?” Zhong Hui followed his elder brother’s example: “Your Majesty is so powerful that I don’t dare to sweat.” Cao Pi laughed heartily.
3. Self-protection of a minister in the Tang Dynasty
One day, a minister made a mistake. The emperor pushed him down into the pond in the imperial garden, then pulled him up and asked him: “How was it? Did you see Qu Yuan, the loyal minister who threw himself into the water and died? If not, I will push you down again.” “I saw Qu Yuan,” the minister said. The Emperor laughed and asked: “Did Qu Yuan say anything to you?” “He did,” the minister said: “He said that he had not met a good master, so he threw himself into the water. Why did you throw yourself into the water when you have such a wise emperor?” The emperor laughed and spared the minister.
4. Deer and water deer
In the Northern Song Dynasty, Wang Yu (1044-1076), the son of Prime Minister Wang Anshi, was clever from childhood. One day, when Wang Yu was very young, a guest brought a deer and a water deer in separate cages to their home. Seeing the young boy there, he asked him casually: “Little boy, which is the deer and which is the water deer?” Wang Yu was too young to recognize the two. After looking at them for a while, he said: “The one next to the water deer is a deer, and the one next to the deer is a water deer.” The guest was very impressed.
5. Whose problem
Wang Juxuan of the Qing Dynasty never had any children after marrying his wife. He decided to take a concubine and discussed the matter with his wife. The wife was displeased, but said nothing. Upon repeated questioning, his wife said: “I don’t know whose problem this is. How about I find someone to try and see if I can give birth to a son?” The husband was speechless.
6. Zheng Banqiao’s humor
When Zheng Banqiao was the governor of Wei County, one day, a messenger reported that the prefectural magistrate was passing by the county. Still, Zheng Banqiao did not leave the city to greet him. The magistrate bought the position with money and had no real talent. Zheng Banqiao looked down on him.
The magistrate came to the back hall of the county government office and was very unhappy that Zheng Banqiao did not go out to the city to greet him. At the banquet, he became more angry the more he thought about it. At that moment, the servant brought a plate of river crabs, and he thought: “Why don’t I let him compose an impromptu poem on crabs? If he can’t do it, I’ll humiliate him publicly to vent my pent-up anger!” Then he pointed at the river crab with his chopsticks and said: “I have heard for a long time that Mr. Zheng is a man of great talent. Why don’t you recite a poem about this crab to help us drink more heartily?”
Zheng Banqiao knew what he had in mind. After a moment’s thought, he chanted: “The eight claws are running rampant in the wild, and the two pincers are dancing majestically, but who knows that there is nothing in the belly, so I dip it in ginger and vinegar and pair it with wine.” The magistrate asked for trouble himself and was very embarrassed.
Translated by Cecilia and edited by Amanda
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