Lacking close friends, trustworthy colleagues, or steadfast partners can create barriers between you and others, leading to relationships devoid of trust and security. How can you break this impasse? Here are seven golden rules of interpersonal communication that can help you instantly cultivate good relationships.
In China’s “human relationship society,” interpersonal connections are vital. These can help you resolve relationship troubles and ensure happiness and success in your career. Society will only open its doors if you are kind to others.
7 rules for good relationships
1. Primacy effect: The first 45 seconds
The first impression is formed within 45 seconds of meeting someone, primarily based on appearance, attire, posture, and facial expressions. This first impression tends to dominate subsequent interactions. The “primacy effect” reminds us to make a good impression during the initial meeting. People prefer to interact with those who are well-dressed and poised. Please pay attention to your speech and behavior; it’s best to be humorous, articulate, confident, and graceful. A good start is half the battle won.
2. Integrity rule: Don’t make promises lightly
“Without integrity, one cannot stand.” Integrity is the foundation of interpersonal communication and the essence of being human. A person who lacks credibility and breaks promises can easily repel others, making it difficult to form friendships. Similarly, a company without a reputation struggles to establish itself in the market. Once a promise is made, you must do your utmost to fulfill it. If something is beyond your capability, don’t agree to it in the first place. Remember: “Keep your promises, and never make promises you cannot keep.”
3. Face-saving rule: Always consider others’ dignity
“People need face, just as trees need bark.” Chinese people, in particular, value face, considering their dignity in everything they do. The essence of the face is dignity, akin to the need for respect and recognition in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Everyone hopes to maintain dignity in front of others.
Remember to give others some dignity no matter how outstanding you are in interactions. Saving face for others is saving a retreat for yourself, which is especially crucial in family relationships. Many family breakdowns stem from a spouse publicly disrespecting their partner, damaging their self-esteem. A family is not a battlefield for competition but a harbor of mutual respect.
4. Compliment rule: Learn to praise and connect
Skillful compliments can win hearts. Everyone desires genuine praise, which affirms their self-worth, bringing joy and encouragement and fostering closeness with the praiser. Compliments reduce psychological distance and bring people closer. False flattery can cause resentment and leave a bad impression of sycophancy. Sincere compliments should focus on two points:
- Praise actions, not people. Focus on what the person has done, such as “Your writing is excellent” rather than “You’re amazing,” which is more readily accepted.
- Be specific in your praise. Complimenting specific actions is more powerful. For example: “Your tie matches your suit well” is more impactful than “You look good today.” Each sincere compliment not only makes the recipient happy, but also brings satisfaction to the giver.
5. Reciprocity rule: Helping others is helping yourself
“Giving roses leaves a lingering fragrance on the hand.” Mutual assistance and understanding embody the psychological principle of reciprocity. American writer Emerson said: “One of the most beautiful compensations in life is that no one can sincerely help another without helping themselves.” Extend a helping hand to others rather than tripping them up. Interpersonal relationships are like echoes; I will be kind to you if you are kind to me.
British philosopher Bacon said: “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” For teams, sincerely helping employees allows them to help the team grow wholeheartedly. For individuals, sincere assistance in interpersonal interactions can yield unexpected rewards.
6. Cross-gender effect: Mixed-gender teams are more efficient
As the saying goes: “Men and women working together make tasks easier.” Psychological research confirms that activities involving both genders are more enjoyable, motivating, and better performed than those involving only one gender, known as the “cross-gender effect.” Psychologists have also found that employees tend to tire quickly and have lower efficiency in a work environment with only men or women, even with superior conditions and high automation.
The “cross-gender effect” also has a minimum ratio. Research shows that in a group, the proportion of the opposite gender should not be less than 20 percent, or efficiency will decrease. Additionally, it is best if members’ ages are similar. By leveraging the “cross-gender effect,” managers can reasonably balance the gender ratio of employees, meeting psychological needs and improving team efficiency.
7. Tolerance rule: Be tolerant without being a pushover
“Endure a moment of calm; step back for a broader view.” Harmonious relationships require tolerance. No two people are exactly alike; those we interact with vary in age, experiences, personalities, and styles of dealing with matters, leading to inevitable differences and conflicts.
Being tolerant means recognizing others’ strengths, understanding their weaknesses, and forgiving their mistakes to get along harmoniously. Being unable to endure grievances or harboring resentment over trivial matters not only alienates those around you but also harms your mental and physical health.
Some view tolerance as a weakness. Tolerance does not mean compromising principles or being a “pushover.” It means prioritizing tolerance without violating principles, forgiving when possible, facing others with a broad mind, and fostering kindness.
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