Many people in modern society hold a subtle yet meaningful misconception about how their spouse is treated. They show courtesy, gratitude, and patience to friends, colleagues, and even strangers — yet assume that with their husband or wife, such gestures are optional. Because marriage involves duty, sacrifice, and shared responsibility, they believe kindness should be automatically shown to them, and that appreciation is unnecessary.
Yet marriage, like any close relationship, thrives on conscious care and mutual recognition. When couples cultivate genuine gratitude toward one another, life together takes on a different hue: Daily moments feel lighter, the sun brighter, the moon clearer, and the stars more welcoming. Gratitude softens hearts, eases tensions, and makes even difficult conversations manageable. With appreciation as the foundation, conflicts that might otherwise feel insurmountable can be resolved, and the partnership grows stronger and more harmonious.
This challenge is especially pronounced among many young adults entering marriage today. Those who grew up as only children often experienced a life of indulgence, with parents handling every detail and shielding them from hardship. At the same time, modern society tends to cater to individual desires, encouraging instant gratification and prioritizing personal convenience.
As a result, many young people — whether only children or not — are less practiced in compromise, patience, and empathy. They are often unprepared to face the inevitable difficulties of life and relationships and may struggle when confronted with challenges that require understanding, sacrifice, and teamwork. When these individuals begin dating or enter marriage, this lack of experience in navigating difficulties can quietly strain their partnerships and challenge the give-and-take that healthy marriages require.
So it’s not uncommon to hear someone say: “We’re already husband and wife — there’s no need to be polite anymore.” Yet this mindset overlooks a simple truth: love is nurtured through gratitude. The more appreciation a couple expresses, the deeper and more enduring their affection becomes. Gratitude is not optional in marriage — it is essential.
Importantly, this principle of gratitude is something we first learn at home. Long before marriage, we are shaped by the love, care, and sacrifices of our parents — the people who teach us, often without words, how to appreciate, give, and nurture.
The lessons of parental love
As thinking, feeling beings, we should naturally express gratitude to our parents. They give us life, care for us, and lay the foundations upon which we later stand. Because of them, we had food to eat, clothes to wear, and an education that opened doors. They surrounded us with warmth and love, protecting us so that we could grow up secure and relatively carefree.
Parents may sometimes nag, worry excessively, or speak in a lecturing tone. These habits can be annoying, but they come from devotion. When a child falls ill, it is the parents who stay awake through the night, provide medicine, watch over their fever, and offer encouragement that builds confidence and resilience. Their care allows a child to grow strong, like a sapling sheltered from the storm.
All parents share the same beautiful wish, captured in a Chinese idiom: that their sons “become dragons” and their daughters “become phoenixes,” rising to lives of promise and purpose. Even knowing that the chances of fully realizing these dreams may be slim, they hold fast to their hopes — praying, nurturing, and caring quietly for the happiness and fulfillment of their children.
We should recognize that behind every nagging comment or reminder is a heart that has given selflessly. When we are far from home, it is often these very expressions of care — the guidance, the encouragement, the love — that we miss the most. For this reason, we should do all we can to bring joy to our parents. Speak words of sincere gratitude, acknowledge their sacrifices, and appreciate the countless things they have done — many of which we may never even fully see.
For this reason, we should do what we can to bring joy to our parents. Speak sincere words of gratitude often. Thank them for their sacrifices, their patience, and for the countless things they have done — most of which we may never fully know.
The lessons we learn from our parents’ love and dedication provide a foundation for our other relationships. Just as we are shaped by their care and taught to appreciate others’ efforts, we can carry these values into our marriages.
Nurturing gratitude between spouses
Couples, too, must gradually cultivate a genuine sense of gratitude toward one another. Marriage is not a battlefield where we must argue, compete, or always win. Instead, it is a partnership built on appreciation. When your spouse does something for you, even something minor or seemingly routine, a sincere sense of gratitude strengthens the bond between you. Each simple, ordinary “thank you” helps the relationship blossom into a deeper, more enduring connection.
Experience shows that in long-lasting marriages — those celebrated with golden anniversaries — spouses help each other live with dignity, value, comfort, and peace of mind, and express gratitude for the care and effort each brings. When both partners feel seen, appreciated, and respected, their lives naturally intertwine, and they become increasingly inseparable over the years.
Gratitude also plays a role in personal growth. Many men, for instance, only fully mature after marriage. Through a wife’s steady guidance, encouragement, and reminders of responsibility, a husband gradually forms a sense of home, experiences warmth, learns to give love, and discovers fulfillment in caring for others. With this, he gains a deeper understanding of propriety, integrity, and conscience — the moral principles that shape a good and honorable life.
When couples practice gratitude consistently, it nurtures serenity and a broader, more elevated attitude toward life. With it, they face challenges with calm, approach disagreements with kindness, and use compassion to untangle misunderstandings and resolve conflicts, returning to a harmonious rhythm of life together.
Humans are both rational and emotional beings. As long as we live, we must cultivate gratitude — grateful for our circumstances, for the people who walk beside us, and especially for the extraordinary gift of marriage. After all, it is remarkable that Heaven brings a stranger into our lives to become our lifelong partner: someone with whom we raise children, build a home, and share every season of life.
Many couples who frequently argue or slip into long stretches of cold silence are, at their core, lacking empathy and the ability to see each other through the lens of gratitude. They take their partner’s efforts for granted, believing that anything their spouse does is “their duty,” and assume appreciation has no place in marriage. Only those who practice gratitude consistently can truly recognize the beauty of their marital bond — and, in doing so, cultivate a relationship that is both fulfilling and deeply joyful.
While we should rightly show gratitude toward parents, teachers, and mentors, the person to whom we owe some of our most profound gratitude is our spouse. Without this partner by our side, achieving anything significant — whether in our career, family life, or emotional well-being — would be far more difficult. A spouse shares our burdens, stands with us through uncertainty, and provides the steady foundation upon which our lives can flourish.
At its core, a happy and lasting marriage is built not on grand gestures or fleeting passion, but on the quiet, steadfast practice of mutual gratitude — an appreciation that honors, uplifts, and continually renews the bond between two hearts.
Translated by: Chua BC and edited by Tatiana Denning
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