Raising kind, grateful children who cherish their parents is one of life’s greatest blessings. Yet not all children are so easy to raise. There’s an old saying in Chinese culture: “Children are born with debts in their hands — some have come to collect and others have come to repay.” Many parents feel burdened by ungrateful children who only take without giving back. But there are also children who come to give back, whose presence brings warmth and peace to their parents’ later years. These children often share four key traits.
4 key points of children who are here to repay kindness
1. They are independent and never a burden
We all want our children to succeed, but most parents don’t expect perfection. What they truly hope for is that their children grow into adults who can stand on their own — able to earn a living, support themselves, and live stable lives.
Yet today, many young adults remain heavily dependent on their parents. Some lack basic life skills, expect everything to be handed to them, and even treat their parents’ retirement savings as a personal safety net. This kind of dependency can become a burden, especially as parents age and hope to enjoy their later years in peace.
Children who are independent — emotionally and financially — relieve their parents of this stress. They may not be wealthy or extraordinary, but they manage their own lives and allow their parents to rest easy. That self-sufficiency is one of the greatest ways they can repay a parent’s love.
2. They speak kindly and treat their parents with warmth
When asked about filial piety, Confucius famously said: “A pleasant expression is the hardest to maintain.” True respect and care aren’t just shown through actions — they’re reflected in the face and tone we use with our parents.
Many of us are polite to outsiders, but impatient or irritable at home. As parents grow older, they often become more sensitive to such shifts in mood. Children who constantly argue or lash out can be especially painful for them to bear.
But some children seem to bring calm wherever they go. They greet their parents with a smile, speak gently even in disagreement, and handle conflict with empathy. When their parents struggle to keep up with new technology or social trends, they take the time to explain things in a kind and gentle manner. Even if they don’t always agree, they listen with respect and are willing to stay connected.
These children offer emotional comfort and create a sense of ease at home. Their presence alone can bring great joy to aging parents — and that, too, is a form of repayment.
3. They stay close and treasure family time
In Six Records of a Floating Life, the writer described a quiet moment with his wife: “In our leisure, we stand together at dusk, and she asks with a smile if the porridge is warm.” Such everyday tenderness becomes even more important in old age.
For elderly parents, the presence of a nearby child can mean far more than their success or status. While they may once have beamed with pride over a child’s prestigious job, they eventually come to cherish the one who stays nearby, visits often, and is there when it matters most.
Career opportunities may take some children far from home. And while they may still love their parents deeply, distance makes it more challenging to provide help in moments of need. The child who lives nearby — the one who drops in regularly, helps out during illness, and joins in holiday meals — is the one who truly enriches a parent’s later years.
4. They take responsibility and don’t make excuses
There’s a Chinese saying: “Raise children to guard against old age, store grain to guard against hunger.” Parents often give everything they have to raise their children, hoping they’ll one day offer support in return. Though most parents try not to burden them, aging comes with challenges — failing health, reduced income, and increased dependence.
Not every child is prepared for this reality. Some lose patience during long illnesses or distance themselves when family responsibilities become difficult. But others step up — without resentment, without excuses.
Children with strong character accept the responsibilities that come with family. They may not always agree with their parents, but they don’t run from hard times. They choose to repay the care they once received with love, duty, and strength.
Translated by Joseph Wu
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