Every marriage has its conflicts. After all, you are two people with different backgrounds, different approaches to life, and different reactions to disagreements.
But even though conflicts are inevitable in marriage, how you handle them determines the longevity of your relationship. Developing healthy conflict resolution skills fosters a resilient bond and establishes a blueprint for solving future conflicts.
Conflict resolution tips for couples
Effective communication
Active listening is one of the best ways to find solutions for your conflict. Listen actively without formulating a response while your partner is speaking about their issues. Reflect on what is being said before responding. Over time, you’ll have fewer conflicts because you’ll intuitively understand what your partner wants or how they feel.
Express your feelings promptly
Proper timing is crucial when addressing conflicts in marriage. Avoid raising issues when both of you are stressed or angry, as it may escalate issues further.
On the other hand, don’t let the issues pile up for a later date. As soon as both of you are calm, it’s advisable to tackle the issue head-on and honestly. Also, clearly express your feelings, whether it’s anger, disappointment, frustration, or confusion, then ask for a specific change. For example, “I’d like you to let me pick where we go on vacation next time,” or “I don’t like it when you shout at me.” Lastly, ask for affirmation, such as “Don’t you agree?”
Seek a compromise
Remember, you are two people with different backgrounds, and you won’t agree on everything. Since conflict resolution is not about winning, a compromise may work for both parties. Compromises ensure individual concerns and needs are met while promoting a sense of fairness.
Avoid blaming your partner
Sometimes, things get out of hand, but blaming your partner puts them on the defensive. It isn’t easy to always maintain your cool, but using “I feel” statements usually helps put the other person in your shoes. For example” “I don’t feel valued when you treat me like that in front of your friends.” If your partner values you, they will understand how their behavior affects your relationship.
Establish healthy boundaries
Make your absolute no-nos known as early as possible. Your partner should be aware of the things you can’t compromise on from the beginning. However, even if you didn’t mention them earlier or things have changed over the course of your relationship, let them know. Discuss the “unromantic” stuff like budgeting, household chores, family expectations, parenting, and more. Remember, personal space is vital, and each individual in a relationship should be free to pursue other hobbies and friendships.
Solve one issue at a time
Avoid arguments that start on one issue and veer into multiple others. Agree with your partner to always solve one issue before moving on to another. With practice and patience, each partner will have the time to process their feelings before addressing another issue.
Don’t always assume the worst of your partner
If your partner doesn’t respond to your message or is late for a lunch date, avoid jumping to negative conclusions. Don’t always assume they have bad intentions, especially if this behavior is not repetitive. Instead of accusations, ask your partner directly about the situation.
Seeking professional help
If conflicts persist or escalate, a professional marriage counselor can provide valuable insights and guidance. They can help both parties open up, identify underlying issues, and develop effective conflict resolution strategies.
Embracing conflicts, rather than running away from them, can contribute to a resilient marital relationship and personal growth.
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