In life, there are many instances where you need to persuade someone — be it your parents, your boss, your customers, your friends, or even the interviewer at a job interview. Sometimes, you might even need to use persuasive techniques to avoid dangerous situations. Persuasion is a skill that can be crucial in various scenarios, and mastering it can lead to more successful outcomes.
6 techniques to help you persuade others
1. Adjust the atmosphere: Retreat to advance
When trying to persuade someone, you first should adjust the atmosphere of the conversation. Approach the situation with a friendly demeanor and use questions instead of commands. This creates a respectful and harmonious environment, making it easier to persuade the other person. On the contrary, your chances of success diminish if you come off as arrogant and disrespectful. Everyone has a sense of pride, even a 3-year-old child, and no one likes to be easily persuaded and controlled by others.
For example, a high school teacher took over a poorly performing class and was tasked with getting the students to participate in a labor activity. The students were reluctant to work, hiding in the shade and ignoring the teacher’s instructions. The teacher then asked: “I know you’re not afraid of work, but are you all afraid of the heat?” None of the students wanted to admit to being lazy, so they quickly agreed that the heat was the issue. The teacher then suggested waiting until the sun went down to start working and even bought ice cream to cool them down. Feeling respected and understood, the students began working happily before the sun set.
2. Appeal to sympathy: The power of weakness
Sympathy is a natural human emotion. When trying to persuade a stronger opponent, you can use this technique to elicit sympathy and achieve your goal.
A 15-year-old girl from a mountainous area was tragically kidnapped and sold to Shanghai. That evening, as it drizzled, a middle-aged man from Shanghai entered her room. Her heart raced with fear, but she quickly calmed herself and cleverly called out, “Uncle!” The man froze, as if under a spell.
The girl cautiously continued: “I can tell you’re a good person, Uncle. You remind me of my father, though he’s had a much harder life. He farms in the countryside, and last year he suffered heatstroke while planting rice…” As she spoke, tears streamed down her face. The man’s face turned red, and after a brief silence, he quietly said: “Thank you, little girl,” and then left the room.
When faced with a strong adversary, why not appear weaker to arouse their sympathy? The clever girl did just that. By calling him “Uncle,” she immediately created a sense of age difference that made the man think of his own children. The seeds of sympathy began to sprout in his heart. She then cleverly placed a “good person” label on him, subtly guiding him to act according to that standard. By comparing her father to the man, she further intensified his feelings of sympathy.
3. Use benevolent threats: Meet firmness with firmness
Many people know that using threats can enhance persuasion, but it’s essential to do so with a friendly attitude and clear reasoning. For instance, during a group trip, a team arrived at a pre-booked hotel only to find there was no hot water due to a mistake. The team leader met with the hotel manager and explained the situation, suggesting they should be charged a lower rate if they had to use the communal bathroom. The manager initially refused, but the team leader calmly insisted that the hotel either provide hot water or reduce the room rate. Eventually, the manager arranged for the hot water to be supplied.
When using threats to enhance persuasion, keep these points in mind:
- Maintain a friendly attitude.
- Clearly explain the consequences and reasoning.
- Ensure the threat is not excessive to avoid backfiring.
4. Eliminate defenses: Disarm with emotion
It’s important to eliminate their defensive mindset when trying to persuade someone, especially in critical situations. This can be done by repeatedly showing that you are a friend, not an enemy. This can be achieved through various means, such as showing concern, offering help, and creating a sense of camaraderie.
For example, a female taxi driver was threatened by a young man with a knife. She calmly handed over her money and offered to drive him home, showing concern for his well-being. This unexpected kindness disarmed the young man, who eventually returned the money and vowed never to commit such acts again. She successfully persuaded him to change his behavior by eliminating his defensive mindset.
5. Appeal to their interests: A heart-to-heart approach
Analyzing problems from the other person’s perspective can make them feel understood and valued. This technique, known as appealing to their interests, can be highly persuasive. To do this effectively, it’s important to know the other person well.
For instance, Yu Minhong, the founder of New Oriental Education, noticed his daughter losing interest in playing the piano. Instead of forcing her to continue, he took her to a concert and explained that learning the piano was meant to be a lifelong companion, not just a skill to pass exams. This heartfelt conversation reignited her passion for the piano, and she continued practicing willingly.
6. Find common ground: Turn ‘no’ into ‘yes’
People who habitually reject persuasion often have a rigid mindset. To persuade such individuals, find common ground and emphasize mutual benefits. This approach can make them more receptive to your ideas.
For example, a precision machinery factory outsourced parts to a small factory, but the parts did not meet the required standards. The small factory’s manager was initially unwilling to remake the parts. The main factory’s manager acknowledged the design flaws and expressed gratitude for the small factory’s help in identifying them. He then suggested that improving the parts would benefit both parties. This approach led the small factory’s manager to agree to the changes.
By employing these six techniques, you can enhance your persuasive abilities and achieve better outcomes.
Translated article
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