I was born in the late 1970s. At that time, China was full of CCP slogans such as “reform and opening up are good” and “the Party’s grace is deeper than the sea.” Red flags and catchwords were everywhere. From textbooks in elementary school to TV broadcasts, everything was about “the Party being great, glorious, and correct.” People of my generation grew up in such a brainwashing environment. If you were not brainwashed, you were considered an outlier.
During my junior high school years, I vaguely heard that “something happened in Tiananmen Square.” The teacher and media said it was “students making trouble” and the army “quelled the riot.” I only knew the stories the media told, who dared to ask more questions? I had no judgment at all at that time, and I never doubted this regime. I lived a numb and obedient life, just like most people.
It was after 2000, when I started using Google, that I was exposed to a different world. I was curious and looked up words like “June 4th,” “Falun Gong,” and “dissidents” that were not searchable on the Chinese Internet. Soon after, I came across the software “Free Gate” and broke through the Internet firewall for the first time to see the outside world. It felt like a door suddenly opened in a cell where I had been locked up for a lifetime, and the light abruptly illuminated everything.
The truth of the June 4th massacre shocked me so much that I was almost speechless. It was not a “riot” at all — it was tanks crushing students, bullets sweeping citizens, and a country’s government using its army to massacre its own people. Those pictures and the testimonies of the survivors completely overturned everything I had learned in the past decade. For the first time, I realized that the CCP is not “problematic,” but is evil.
What was even more unbelievable to me was the Falun Gong incident. In the past, via the media, this group was constantly depicted as a cult. The information outside the Internet firewall showed me another picture. These people are just ordinary practitioners who believe in “Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance” and are subjected to genocidal suppression: detention, torture, and even organ harvesting! I had never heard of such things before, let alone being exposed to the fact that this was happening in China. I was especially moved by their courage and admired them for telling the truth, utilizing handing out leaflets abroad for many years, standing on the streets, and holding up banners. That kind of determination is not something that ordinary people can do.
During the three-year pandemic, I completely saw through this regime. The government ordered a lockdown; the buildings were welded shut, and the roads were blocked. People were dying of illness, and no one could look after them at home. The CCP’s response was to ask its citizens to embrace “all of one mind” and suppress their cries.
‘The CCP is not afraid of the virus; it is fearful of the people’s awakening’
I maintained only one thought at the time: “The CCP is not afraid of the virus; it is fearful of the people’s awakening.” I didn’t take the vaccine made in China. It wasn’t because I was afraid; I didn’t trust the CCP! I know too well what kind of morality this regime has. Who knows how many dark secrets are behind the things that are pushed by the CCP’s propaganda and orders? I had Covid tests done only six times in three years, as it was very difficult to go outside due to the constant pandemic ‘test proof’ being requested everywhere. I survived! I knew that if I cooperated once, I would admit defeat at that time.
It was during that time period that I completely gave up on the CCP’s propaganda. I no longer watched the news broadcast, nor believed a word of the People’s Daily. In my eyes, these mouthpieces are all lies except for the dates and punctuation. I started to tell my friends the truth I was enlightened to, even if they didn’t like to hear it!
I know that in such a system, telling the truth is a form of resistance.
On July 1, 2019, I ventured to Hong Kong and personally participated in the “Anti-Extradition Bill” march. Millions of people took to the streets peacefully; a scene I would never forget. But several days after returning to the mainland, I was called by the police to “drink tea” and was finally detained for a few days on a charge of “troublemaking.”
This is the CCP’s rule of law: If you tell the truth, it can lock you up.
In 2022, the Russian-Ukrainian war broke out. I took a Ukrainian flag and stood at the door of the county’s hall, holding a sign “Oppose war, overthrow Putin.” As a result, I was detained again, and the charge was still “troublemaking.”
To put it bluntly, what it fears is not you breaking the law, but you speaking up for justice.
These experiences did not silence me but made me more and more aware: the CCP regime is not afraid of violence, but the truth!
It uses the guise of “rule of law,” but the law is just a chain to restrain the people. It says: “Rule the country by law,” but in fact, the real privileged class is never subject to the law. Some high-ranking officials embezzle hundreds of millions of dollars and finally walk away. Ordinary people can be imprisoned for just posting something, going out, or believing in something.
What is even more terrifying is brainwashing. From childhood, we were taught that “the West is determined to destroy us” and that people are educated to hate the United States, Japan, and the West. This way, the people automatically stand on the CCP’s side and think that others are bullying China. The one who bullies you is the regime, as it has made it impossible for you to leave the farm for three generations, go to school, see a doctor, and rely on luck for your old age.
In 2023, I finally escaped from China, the walled country, and came to a place where there is real freedom of speech. On June 4th, I stood at the door of the Chinese Consulate in Los Angeles and held up banners with a group of Chinese to commemorate June 4th, support Hong Kong, and shout “CCP step down.” At that moment, I realized very clearly that the CCP is not China; it is just a group of gangster politicians who kidnapped China.
My understanding of the CCP is not a momentary emotional response, but the result of decades of experience. I no longer hope for “peaceful evolution” or “reform inside the Party.” This system cannot redeem itself. It can only be ended by the awakening of the people. It may still be in power, but it has already begun to rot. Every word spoken truthfully, every moment of non-cooperation, is adding dirt to its grave.
Translated by Patty Zhang and edited by Maria
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