Traditionally, the term “gentleman” was given to an individual who had cultivated himself in his moral conduct. The degree to which he is educated and embraces empathy, his attention to detail, and his ability to genuinely forbear everything, whether good or bad, showcase his degree of refinement — making him a gentleman.
John Jacob Astor IV, a German-American businessman and one of the wealthiest people in the world at the time, was highlighted in the movie Titanic. This real and historical figure left a lasting impression as a highly cultured man, an accurate depiction of what a gentleman was like in that period.
In the scene depicting the ship sinking, John ushered his five-month pregnant wife onto the lifeboat, then stood back on deck, alongside his dog, lit a cigar, and shouted “I love you” as the lifeboat drifted away. The ship’s management had ordered him to board the lifeboat, but Astor refused and gave the only available place on the lifeboat to an Irish woman from the third-class cabin.
Days later, his body was recovered — his head shattered by the Titanic’s collapsing smokestacks. With his wealth, he could have built a dozen Titanic ships, yet he rejected every opportunity to escape. His moral upbringing taught him to protect women, even in the face of death. Upholding his moral beliefs was his only choice.
Another example of a cultured gentleman is in the movie Life Is Beautiful.
In 1939, in Fascist Italy, Guido Orefice, a young Italian Jew, worked in a hotel restaurant in Arezzo, Tuscany. Guido told his son Giosuè: “Serving guests isn’t about subservience — it’s about standing humbly yet with dignity, like a sunflower.” To him, waiters and guests were equals — every hardworking person deserved respect. They were later sent to a concentration camp.
One day in the camp’s changing room, a Nazi female officer accidentally tripped in front of Guido. Despite knowing his inevitable, tragic end and that this woman was the enemy, Guido instinctively rushed forward to help her up and asked if she was hurt. In his eyes, she was simply a person, not an enemy, not a threat. She fell, so he helped her to her feet. Not disrespecting those beneath him, nor hating those with different beliefs — this was the moral and cultured upbringing embedded in his very being.
Haruki Murakami once said: “A gentleman does not do what he wants to do, but what he should do.” Traditionally, unlike modern times, it was always believed that a man’s moral upbringing was not about how many tricks he used to please women, nor was it about sending daily messages or reminders about how to dress fashionably and drink or eat according to a health trend, but rather it was a natural upbringing that exuded a genuineness of character that would leave those people around him feeling uplifted and valued.
True refinement is natural — it radiates gentle warmth to those around him.
3 qualities of a gentleman
1. A gentleman is genuine even when there are no witnesses
The famous Korean host Yoo Jae-seok is known for his hilarious and entertaining character. He seems to be very relaxed and naturally funny when hosting a show, but behind the scenes, he is a very considerate person and a true gentleman. Once, during the red carpet session of an awards ceremony, it was raining, and a female police guard held up an umbrella for Yoo Jae-seok to block the rain. Yoo said, in a gentlemanly fashion: “It’s okay!” He then handed the umbrella to the female police officer and walked across the red carpet in the rain.
During a street performance, while rehearsing for the show Infinite Challenge, Yoo Jae-seok instinctively pulled a young woman closer when a passing car drove too close. A hidden camera caught this action. It is obvious to Yoo Jae-seok that women should be protected, and caring for others is naturally one of his instinctive traits.
Refined men don’t perform grand gestures — they consistently act according to their values, even when engaging in the smallest of details.
2. A gentleman always considers others
A friend’s uncle has been addicted to smoking for years. His hands were yellowed from holding cigarettes, and his teeth were blackened. His wife said that he started smoking at the age of 18, and getting him to quit was hard.
The family invited me for dinner on the Mid-Autumn Festival. Coincidentally, my friend’s brother returned with his girlfriend earlier that day. The uncle was thrilled and insisted on making a few of his signature dishes. In the intense heat, in the kitchen, and despite his undershirt becoming drenched in sweat, my friend’s uncle never loosened his neatly buttoned shirt — probably to avoid embarrassing himself in front of his future daughter-in-law.
He engaged his son’s girlfriend at dinner, ensuring she didn’t feel left out. My friend realized something remarkable: He hadn’t smoked all morning. After dinner, once everyone sat down to chat, he finally stepped outside in the cool night air to light a cigarette, then suddenly put it out. At that moment, I saw a flawed man who constantly thought of others, making choices that put others’ comfort above his own.
That, to me, is true refinement of a gentleman — the quiet beauty of an ordinary man’s soul.
A gentleman has empathy
There’s a story about a girl rushing to catch a flight to Hong Kong, but the queue was long. Running out of time, she approached a middle-aged man and politely asked if she could cut in ahead of him. His response commanded instant respect: “If I let you cut in, it would be unfair to those behind me! But I’m in no hurry — you can take my spot.” Then, he calmly walked to the back of the line. He helped the girl while ensuring fairness for everyone, reflecting his thought process, which showed empathy toward those around him.
Anton Chekhov once said: “For a man, education and wisdom are most important. Whether he is handsome or not is insignificant. Without these qualities, even the most beautiful man is worthless.”
I believe cultivation is a man’s greatest virtue. It isn’t about education or appearance. It is about how he interacts with the world, how he treats others, and what values he upholds. Oscar Wilde said: “Many people have admirable character — even if they know nothing of art, they are the essence of this world.”
Even if a well-educated, cultured man lowers himself to the ground, he will still radiate light from the depths of his humanity. Wherever he goes, he is a light penetrating the darkness and illuminating the hearts of others.
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