From the moment you are born, you are surrounded by expectations. As you grow, you embody most of these expectations, usually subconsciously, while having expectations of those around you. You expect something will happen in the future and hope something extraordinary will change your present situation to bring you happiness. You hope this elusive expectation will bring you happiness, whether a new car, partner, or lottery winning.
It sounds counterintuitive, but unfortunately, your expectations are usually the source of anguish, bitterness, envy, disappointment, and insecurity. Unmet expectations are usually the breeding ground of resentment, shame, and sadness. This is because, most of the time, expectations and reality don’t match.
For example, the disparity between picture-perfect moments in social media and reality has left many people dissatisfied with their lives and achievements. Worse still, some are experiencing mental health damage by pursuing unattainable expectations.
How to avoid falling into the trap of expectations
One of your biggest frustrations and disappointments is your expectations of others. It’s easy to believe people should agree with you, understand what you are saying, and like you. Also, you often take what other people say to you personally, while these shortcomings are mostly more about them than you.
Jen Piccici, a mindfulness writer at Tiny Buddha, says she wished she had avoided putting too many expectations on other people earlier in life. For example, she blamed herself and lived in anguish when her father didn’t react as expected to her good news. In hindsight, she realizes her father was from a different generation and had problems expressing emotions.
Gratitude is the ultimate key to happiness. To be grateful, you must objectively analyze where you were yesterday and where you are today. You learn to accept what is as opposed to what should be, which enables you to move towards your goals without frustrations, comparisons, and resentment when things don’t go as planned.
On the other hand, if you’ve achieved your expectations, gratitude may help you avoid being trapped by your success.
You are responsible for your happiness
Life is unpredictable, and being open to change with changing circumstances can save you a lot of hurt. Living life expecting to experience no hardships or pain isn’t realistic. This may sound surprising, but you never know what will make you happy in the future. The truth is that a new car or house at the beachfront may not make you happy at the end of the day.
Remember, being adaptable and grateful doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment from other people and living with it. In this instance, it may mean dropping the toxic person and finding ways to survive or thrive without them. You will find that greater happiness often follows.
Nobody enjoys disappointments, but you can use them to gauge your expectations. It’s a chance to ask yourself, are your expectations yours? Are they realistic? And what can you learn from these setbacks?
Experts recommend journaling your expectations and objectively seeing if they mirror the realities of life. This exercise also allows you to revisit your goals regularly and see if they are attainable in your present circumstances. You can then reinvent yourself by knowing which goals to keep or drop since we continuously grow.
Mindfulness is about staying with your thoughts and living in the present moment. It allows you to manage your anxiety about future expectations and accept the reality of your situation.
This way, when you don’t meet your goals, or someone doesn’t match your expectations, you won’t let thoughts of self-pity, shame, worthlessness, or revenge overwhelm you. Mindfulness allows you to create happiness even in the face of disappointment in yourself or others.
Most people dread letting go of expectations, fearing a loss of direction and purpose. However, it’s essential to recognize that releasing unrealistic expectations doesn’t equate to abandoning all hope or ambition.
Instead, it opens the door to embracing the present, finding joy in unexpected moments, and appreciating life’s unpredictability. Recalibrating your expectations to align with reality allows you to experience growth, resilience, and a deeper connection with your true self and the world around you.
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