It’s challenging to transform your relationship with adult children, especially in the face of old habits and conflicting behaviors. But it’s not impossible if you know how.
When your child becomes an adult, your relationship changes from one where you nurture them to one where you must relate. This new development is rewarding and challenging because boundaries shift, expectations grow, and new parent-child dynamics emerge. Building a strong, lasting relationship with your adult children involves understanding, communication, and respect.
Better relationships are usually fostered from an early age. However, even if your bond isn’t as strong, it’s never too late to seek a fulfilling connection with your adult child. This article explores ways to transform your relationship with your adult kid.
7 ways to transform your relationship with adult children
1. Trust their abilities
As adults, most people want to carve their paths, whether in work, personal relationships, or personal growth. Most experts advise parents to only offer advice when asked and trust their child’s ability to overcome hurdles. Of course, when your kid opens up about their issues, it’s easy for your parental instincts to kick in and want to help immediately, but sometimes, your kids only need a listening ear.
But how do you know when to help or listen actively? It’s easy; ask them, and they’ll tell you.
2. Set and respect boundaries
Every adult relationship needs boundaries to flourish. So ensure you recognize and honor reasonable boundaries. When do they want to be called or visited? Do they want to be friends on social media platforms? And which conversations are off-topic?
Of course, some difficult conversations need to be had from time to time. However, ensure you have established open communications to avoid confrontations and strains in your relationship.
3. Avoid blame game
If you have a strained relationship, blaming yourself or your kid will only worsen things. Instead, focus on ways to mend your relationship, like asking for forgiveness if you are in the wrong and promising to do better.
4. Acknowledge their growth and achievements
Your kids need your validation and support from a young age to nurture their resilience and self-esteem. This need remains when they grow, so it’s important to continue celebrating their milestones, big or small. Expressing genuine appreciation for your child’s efforts helps them feel valued and respected.
However, as mentioned, don’t overshadow this success with unsolicited advice.
5. Do a regular relationship check-in
Boundaries are essential, but you must regularly check in with your adult kids to understand where your relationship stands. Sometimes, when your child is silent, it’s easy to assume everything is going well, but silence may speak volumes. So don’t let the established healthy boundaries become barriers.
Take meaningful conversations with your kid about how your relationship evolves. Do they need support in some areas? Have you placed unexpected expectations that have led to misunderstandings? These conversations help you gauge your relationship and show you are willing to grow alongside them.
6. Embrace your new parental role
When your kids are young, you pour so much energy into becoming a provider, decision-maker, and supervisor. It’s easy to make parenthood your whole identity and get confused as your child grows. Experts advise parents to embrace this new role that requires less oversight and become their kids’ confidant, cheerleader, and advisor (when needed).
You’ve done your part as an authority figure; now it’s time to become an ally. Adapt to your adult child’s needs and maintain a two-way relationship to build a happy relationship. This means you also have to be open to criticism.
7. Plan dates
Spending quality time with your kids is advisable, no matter their age. You can plan vacations, outings, or activities you enjoy. These may include dinner, hiking, attending events, and making homemade foods. These are opportunities to create moments you’ll cherish forever.
Takeaway
As your child grows, it’s vital to grow alongside them to avoid entering the trap that leaves you wondering where you belong once they blossom. Understand that you are no longer their decision maker and supervisor, and explore a new role of active listening and support. Lastly, embrace patience and adaptability; you will build a strong bond with your adult child over time.
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