Self-mastery comes when individuals learn to address their moods and emotions before they attempt to deal with causal situations or events. They analyze their minds before they analyze things. When one’s emotions, such as anger, are out of control, one’s reasoning and intellectual ability tend to decline, and one is prone to making mistakes to such a degree that they are incapable of finding a way out.
The following two scenarios highlight how impulsive actions driven by anger can result in irreparable damage.
Anger and the teapot’s lid
A man was once gifted with a purple ceramic teapot. He was so enamored with the precious pot that he habitually placed it on his bedside table before sleeping each night. One night, he rolled over and knocked the teapot over, causing the lid to drop to the floor.
This mishap roused him from sleep and caused him to lament: “What’s the point of keeping the teapot if the lid is gone?” Carelessly and without reason, out of anger, he grabbed the teapot and threw it out the window.
The following day, he discovered that the teapot lid had fallen onto his cotton shoes and was nestled there — undamaged. Frustrated and regretful at his previous impulsive action, he thought: “What’s the use of keeping the lid if the teapot is gone?”
Mindlessly, out of anger, he stepped on the lid and smashed it to pieces. Later, as he left, he stepped out the door and looked up to admire the beautiful day. The teapot he had thrown out of the window was hanging securely on the branch of a tree.
One may feel sorry for the owner of the teapot, but on the other hand, it could be said that he was responsible for this outcome. Sadly, he had been given two chances to change the outcome — but he failed to recognize them and instead acted out of anger.
His thoughtless actions prevented him from contemplating a more positive and probable outcome. In such scenarios, pause before making a hasty decision and give yourself more time to think calmly; perhaps the ending will be different. Upon reflection, who hasn’t knocked something over in their lifetime?
“People’s intelligence is zero when angry; this is the most foolish time to decide.” As this saying implies, people who have a fiery temper will frequently make wrong decisions, leading to irreversible mistakes. For instance, in a workplace, if someone wrongs you, once you become enraged, you impulsively decide to quit your job.
Later, however, you find yourself trapped in a financial crisis because you no longer have a stable income stream to cover everyday living expenses. People who do things just for instant gratification and act indiscriminately without knowing the facts will undoubtedly suffer regretful and remorseful endings.
The 2 teal boots
During the Five Dynasties in China (902-979), Feng Dao and He Ning were close friends. One day, Feng Dao wore his newly purchased boots to visit He Ning. Coincidentally, two days beforehand, He Ning had asked his servant to buy him the same pair of boots.
During the visit, He Ning asked his friend: “How much did your boots cost?” Feng Dao lifted his right foot and said: “It’s cheap, just 1 teal.” Upon hearing this, He Ning turned to his servant and slapped him. While scolding him, he asked: “The boots are the same! Why did you tell me that they cost 2 teals?”
At that moment, Feng Dao slowly raised his left foot and said: “This one is also 1 teal.” He Ning froze on the spot with embarrassment, totally lost for words and not knowing what to do.
As the above scenario shows, what we see or hear is often not necessarily the truth. If we pause before reacting, things may take a different turn. Don’t let anger and irritability influence you, as reckless behavior in the heat of the moment may result in irreparable damage.
There is a saying: “Whoever can remain calm amid consternation, stable amid rage, and sober amid anger, is a true hero.” Don’t speak when angry; don’t argue when upset — lest you regret it later! In life, it’s best to be less impulsive; allow yourself more time to calm down and sober up so there is room to control and manage yourself better .
Final words
It has been noted that a psychologist once said: “The duration of stormy anger is often less than 12 seconds. The outbreak can destroy everything at its peak, but the wind and waves will calm down after 12 seconds. If you can control yourself well, you can discharge negative emotions afterward.”
When you experience anger, don’t rush to speak; calm down for 12 seconds or temporarily remove yourself from the environment. When you experience things going wrong, refrain from making an instant decision. Allow yourself two days to think, adjust your state of mind, and only then resort to solving the problem.
Dealing with things calmly is the best course of action.
