A woman surnamed Ruan during the Eastern Jin and Three Kingdoms period is listed as the fourth of the “Four Great Ugly Women” in ancient China, indicating that she was highly unattractive. Her name is not recorded in historical texts; it is only mentioned that she was from Chenliu, and her family name was Ruan. The Ruan family of Chenliu was prominent. Her father, Ruan Gong, was a high-ranking official in the Cao Wei Dynasty, and her brother, Ruan Kan, was a renowned scholar who was a famous master of metaphysics and a physician.
In such a cultured family, she was undoubtedly well-educated and accomplished. Unfortunately, the intelligent and virtuous woman was described as the “ugliest” in historical records regarding her appearance. How ugly was she? She was so hideous that her newlywed husband refused to look at her again after seeing her once.
As recorded, after the daughter grew up, she married Xu Yun, a renowned scholar. In ancient times, many couples only met for the first time on their wedding night. In the bridal chamber, Xu eagerly lifted the red veil of his new bride, only to be stunned by the woman’s ugliness. After coming to his senses, he nervously left the bridal chamber and refused to go back in.
She was not worried; She secretly sent a maid to observe the situation outside. After the maid returned and reported that a guest was talking to Xu, she inquired about the guest’s appearance. Confidently, she said: “This guest must be Huan Fan, and Xu Yun will return to the room!”
Her deduction was correct. Huan, known for his strategic thinking and eloquence, was a renowned “strategic adviser.” He advised Xu, saying: “Since the Ruan family has married you to an ugly woman, there must be a reason. You should examine her.” After hearing Huan’s words, Xu hesitantly entered the new room again. However, upon seeing his wife’s appearance, he wanted to flee once again.
She understood that Huan had persuaded her husband to come this time. If he were allowed to slip out again, it would be difficult to find another “strategic adviser” to convince him to “enter the bridal chamber for the third time.”
The ‘ugly’ woman wins over her new husband
Therefore, she decisively grabbed Xu. While struggling, Xu told the bride: “A woman has the ‘Four Virtues.’ How many of them do you meet?” The so-called “Four Virtues” include “virtue,” “speech,” “appearance,” and “skills,” which were the past requirements for a woman’s character. Here, the “appearance” emphasizes a dignified and proper demeanor rather than just physical beauty. Xu seemed anxious and distressed, using this cruel and sarcastic remark against his new wife.
However, she remained unruffled. She calmly replied: “The only thing I lack is beauty. As scholars have ‘a hundred virtues,’ how many do you possess?” Xu claimed: “I possess a hundred virtues.” The bride responded: “Virtue comes first among the hundred virtues. How can you claim to possess them all if you are lustful, but not virtuous?” Xu felt ashamed and realized the extraordinary abilities of his new wife. From then on, he respected her and drew closer to her.
Her debating skills were exceptional, but even more remarkable was her accurate grasp of situations and her decisive handling of them. When her husband attempted to flee again during the “second entry into the bridal chamber,” she decisively blocked his way to force him to speak. She then used concise and incisive questioning to dismantle her husband’s discriminatory mindset completely. Most importantly, her talent earned her husband’s respect and resolved the marital crisis in one fell swoop. All of this happened quickly, showcasing Ruan’s quick thinking and agility of mind.
Her extraordinary insight and quick wit later saved Xu and his family’s lives on multiple occasions.
When Xu held an official position, he appointed many fellow villagers. In ancient times, it was common for officials to bring fellow villagers as close aides when they took up their posts, but Xu may have gone too far. Even though the township party members appointed were all competent, suspicions of favoritism were raised in the eyes of outsiders. Someone reported this to the imperial court, and Emperor Ming of Wei, Cao Rui, was furious. He sent officials to arrest Xu for questioning.
Shocked, Xu had no choice but to submit obediently, but he was unsure how to handle the situation. At this moment, his wife, the unattractive Lady Ruan, came out barefoot and whispered to Xu: “The Emperor is a wise ruler who can be reasoned with, but emotions cannot sway him.” In other words, she advised Xu not to play the pity card and to present his case with reason and clarity. The more forcefully he argued, the safer he would be.
Indeed, Xu followed his wife’s strategy. When Emperor Ming questioned him about appointing fellow villagers, Xu replied: “Selecting talents for the country requires understanding them. My fellow villagers are people I know well. Your Majesty can assess their competence; if they are not, I am willing to take the blame.” The results of the investigation conducted by Emperor Ming’s officials showed that the fellow villagers appointed by Xu were competent. As a result, Emperor Ming pardoned him.
Her strategy for Xu was explicitly tailored to Emperor Ming of Wei, Cao Rui. Cao Rui, the grandson of Cao Cao, ascended the throne at 23 and passed away at 36. He was a vigorous and youthful emperor. Moreover, Cao Rui grew up witnessing court intrigues. Teaching her husband to assert that “a wise ruler can be reasoned with” was a strategic way to handle things. As a result, Ruan’s strategy proved to be effective.
After the death of Cao Rui, the young ruler Cao Fang ascended the throne, and the clan Cao Shuang had conflicts with the three dynasties’ minister Sima Yi, who sought power to replace the Cao clan; in the end, Cao Shuang fell to the cunning Sima, and the political power of Cao Wei shifted to the Sima family. Working long years for the Cao clan, Xu naturally found himself on the list of those to be eliminated by the Sima ruler.
When news of Xu’s death reached home, his wife was weaving fabric. Upon hearing of her husband’s death, she did not show great sorrow on her face, but sighed softly, saying: “I knew it would end up like this.”
Xu’s students worried his sons might also be implicated and suggested hiding them. However, she said: “This matter has nothing to do with the children.”
Her idea was correct. Xu was executed solely because of his talent, reputation, and close association with loyal officials of Cao Wei. In such a situation, the Sima clan would most likely not deliberately implicate his family. If they flee and hide, it could instead lead to pursuit and even being killed.
Shortly after, the Sima clan sent minister Zhong Hui to offer condolences, pretending to sympathize with Xu’s family. He wanted to observe if Xu’s sons possessed the same talents as their father, and if so, he would arrest them and eradicate any potential threats. Zhong was known for his cunning and ruthless actions; Xu’s sons were naturally puzzled and afraid, so they asked their mother for advice.
She calmly said: “Don’t worry. Although you are good sons, your talents do not match your father’s, and you pose no threat to the Sima clan. If you honestly show your true selves, there will be no danger. Do not show excessive grief. When Zhong pays respects to your father, according to etiquette, you should cry along; when he stops crying, you should stop, too.” The children followed their mother’s instructions one by one. Zhong reported the situation to the Sima clan, and they spared Xu’s sons.
Xu’s lineage was preserved and continued thanks to her profound understanding of the mindset of those in power. She, with her surpassing wisdom, left a commendable legacy in history. A woman lacking physical beauty may not enjoy beautiful women’s advantages. However, with outstanding virtues and substantial inner qualities, she can still earn respect and “reciprocal” love. A woman’s wisdom wins love and can achieve mutual respect.
Translated by Joseph Wu and edited by Maria Meyer
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