Befriending the elderly may seem unconventional in today’s age-segregated world, but building connections across generations offers profound benefits. From gaining wisdom to fostering empathy, befriending the elderly unexpectedly enriches lives.
At Nspirement, we’ve shared several stories of unlikely friendships. Take the example of Beth Christensen, who, as a campus student, chose to live at a senior living home in Prairie Village, Kansas. She was part of an intergenerational program established between her campus and the retirement home. At the end of the year, her relationship with the residents had blossomed into a heartwarming friendship.
Another story we shared reminds us how friendships can defy age gaps. When Wilson and Sharaine Caraballo moved into their new home in Texas, their elderly neighbor offered them a ladder. It was a kind, neighborly gesture, but it grew into a deep, genuine relationship. Paul, who had lost his wife, found warmth and a new sense of belonging, while the Caraballos, new to the neighborhood, formed a bond with an honorary grandfather who transformed a house into a home.
But are these unique situations, or are most of us overlooking the quiet potential of friendship that exists around us? Today, the young and old mostly live in separate spheres, but even with our busy schedules, we should make time to bond with older adults who often feel left behind or forgotten. Read on to explore what you can gain from befriending older people, what to consider when starting such a relationship, and how to make it flourish.
How befriending the elderly benefits both the young and old
Befriending an older person may initially seem unusual because you may not think you’ll find common ground. You grew up in different times, with distinct fashions, music, and perspectives on the world. However, once that door opens, you’ll find you’ve so much more in common than you ever thought. Additionally, numerous benefits can be gained from intergenerational friendships.
Gaining experience without the hard knocks
Older adults have lived through it all, and they may give you a sneak peek at life’s road map. They have seen wars, love, loss, economic downturns, emerging and disappearing jobs, natural and manmade calamities, and more. Most of them have adapted to survive and thrive, and young people can learn how to invest, manage stress, and avoid mistakes. By understanding what they did or would have done differently regarding finance, family, and self-care, you know not from a textbook but from someone who’s lived it.
A judgment-free zone
Most conversations with the elderly are calm and thoughtful. They are not quick to criticize because, unlike your peers, it’s unlikely they are competing or comparing their lives with yours. Such a rare, safe environment can be a godsend in the fast-paced social media era. It’s an opportunity for a young entrepreneur with raw ideas, a teenager facing peer pressure, or a troubled youth unsure of the future to find comfort and clarity.
Feeling connected to something bigger
In most cultures, older people are seen as a fountain of wisdom, and in a world where young people are weighed down by hopelessness and comparison, a kind, assuring word can help ground them. Most older people today lived in a time when people shared with their neighbors, and unbridled selfishness was rare. Your friendship can open a portal to history, culture, and a broader view of life.
Developing empathy and emotional intelligence
Empathy means seeing through another person’s eyes, and befriending someone from a different generation can help you develop patience and kindness. They are active listeners who have learned to listen more attentively, interrupt less, and speak with greater care. You can also learn to appreciate the process of aging and the challenges that older folks face. This helps break negative aging stereotypes, such as the “grumpy grandpa” or “hoarding grandma” stereotypes.
Expand your social and professional circles
Befriending an older person can open a new avenue that allows you to grow socially and sometimes professionally. Say you have an entrepreneurial spirit; they may become your mentor, chip in financially, or link you with someone they know who can help you grow. It’s also an opportunity to enhance your communication skills, as building such a relationship requires stepping out of your comfort zone.
Improve your mental and physical well-being
Studies have shown that kindness to others is a mutually beneficial situation for both the giver and the receiver. Altruism and compassion not only make you feel good but also create a sense of belonging. They also help people keep things in perspective because you learn to appreciate what you have, in this case, your youth and the inevitability of aging. Friends also help you reduce loneliness, and that sense of connection may boost your self-esteem and self-worth.
How the elderly benefit from befriending the young
Older adults have a great deal to offer, but their needs are often overlooked. Many live far from their families, and their days may be filled with silence and fewer opportunities to feel useful and heard. That’s where your friendship may come in handy.
A sense of purpose
We all want to belong and feel like we matter to someone. Becoming a mentor or friend to someone younger can reinvigorate that sense of purpose in them. They think they need to be again when you allow them to share their stories, advice, or memories of someone they want to keep alive. It feels good when whatever knowledge they have gathered throughout their lives is passed on instead of gathering dust on their mental shelves.
Combating loneliness
Loneliness is a modern epidemic that’s affecting all generations. But the older ones face the full brunt of loneliness because of its adverse effects on their physical and mental health. A visit, call, or shared laughter with someone can brighten their day and give them something to look forward to.
Learning new things
Learning isn’t a one-way street because you can also impart knowledge to the old. Young people possess ideas, energy, and tech-savvy skills that older individuals can learn to utilize, fostering a sense of connection in the modern world.
Staying mentally active
Interactions are crucial in preventing disorders such as dementia or other cognitive issues. Your friendship can help them keep their mind sharp by allowing them to stay curious, remember, and think critically. The mind needs exercise, especially as we age, and mental stimulation is good for memory, mood, attention, and overall well-being.
Encouraging physical activity or hobbies
Budding friendships with younger, active people can help older adults stay active. There are stories of the elderly picking up boxing or martial arts in their senior living homes, which allows them to remain active and brightens their days. You can also help them rekindle their passions and interests. Whether it’s knitting, carpentry, or blacksmithing, it may bring them joy when something they’ve loved doing sparks interest in someone younger.
Things to consider when in an intergenerational friendship
Friendships among peers often come with challenges, including competition, constant comparison, shifting priorities, and other life transitions, such as moving to a different city or country. Likewise, cross-generational friendships will also have their fair share of challenges, but that’s what makes them worth it. So, here’s how to make intergenerational friendships work.
Respect their pace and energy
Older adults may do things more slowly or need more time to recover, so be patient. Plan activities that suit both of you, and avoid rushing conversations. Remember, just being present is enough.
Active listening
It’s worth listening to their stories, experiences, and the lessons they’ve learned from their long lives. You don’t have to agree on everything, but listening without interrupting helps build trust and a sense of belonging.
Speak with them, not at them
Just because someone is older doesn’t mean they are out of touch with technology, politics, or modern troubles. It’s important to share your world with them and meet them where they are. Your conversations should be curious, kind, and equal.
Consider their life history
As mentioned, some elders carry memories of war, economic crises, personal hardships, and unprecedented cultural shifts. If they open up, be sensitive to their life history. If they choose not to discuss it in detail, respect that some stories take time to unfold, while others may never be told.
Set healthy boundaries
Like any relationship, a friendship across generations needs healthy limits. Yes, you should be kind to the elderly, but you must determine how much time and energy you can dedicate to them. Kindness begins with self-care and honesty; when you’re upfront about your expectations, you foster mutual understanding and respect.
Expect the unexpected
Friendships should unfold naturally, and the beauty is in the surprise. Older adults don’t fit into a mold and come in a wide range of personalities. Not every older person is zen-like, calm, or measured. Some will be soft-spoken, reflective, and gentle. Others will be fiery, opinionated, and full of mischief and unexpected humor. And that’s okay. They bring spice to life, challenge your views, and remind you that personality doesn’t retire with age. Also, don’t expect them to be your project or accept help for everything, because everyone deserves autonomy.
Understand that loss may be part of it
This may be the most brutal truth: befriending someone significantly older means you may have to say goodbye in the natural order of things. You may be with them today, and tomorrow, they’ve been taken by debilitating illness, memory loss, or death. It can be hurtful, but it lends more meaning to such friendships and the joy you can bring to someone when they need it most.
Takeaway
Friendship isn’t bound by age. Some of the most meaningful moments in our lives can come from places we least expect — people who have lived through eras we have only read about, whose stories stretch back decades, and whose presence can bring warmth, wisdom, and steady companionship.
But it’s not just about gaining from them; you also have something to offer. Your interactions with the elderly can give them energy, fresh perspectives, and a renewed sense of purpose. Befriending the elderly is about bridging the gap between generations and reshaping our perceptions of aging, modern relationships, and the human experience.
Remember that age alone doesn’t make someone wise, kind, or safe. Some elderly people may not have your best interests at heart, and even if they do, their life experiences may not align with your values or current reality. Stay open, but stay aware, because long-lasting relationships — regardless of age — are built on mutual respect, trust, and clear boundaries.
Forming a healthy intergenerational relationship reminds both of you that you still have so much to learn, experience, and share.
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