In Hadong County, South Gyeongsang Province, South Korea, mention the name Liu Xiaoyan, and you’ll often hear: “Isn’t she that ever-smiling Chinese daughter-in-law who always greets everyone first? She’s smart, kind, capable in everything she does, and incredibly devoted to her in-laws!”
At a time when divorce rates among international brides are on the rise, Liu Xiaoyan — a city-born woman from China who married into a struggling rural Korean household — shouldered the immense burden of caring for her sick, bedridden in-laws. Yet she never walked away.
After 17 years of tireless devotion, she has built a harmonious home that even neighbors admire and helped break down deep-rooted prejudices against Chinese people in Korea. Through humility, strength, and selfless love, she has earned the respect of her family, her community, and even the Korean government.
For her unwavering filial piety, Liu Xiaoyan was honored with the “Model Daughter-in-law Award” by Hadong County. Her dedication and character later led to a position in the county government, where her exceptional performance earned her a “Merit Award.” She has also been a multiple-time recipient in national multicultural essay competitions. Most recently, she was awarded the “Happy Family Award” at the 4th National Multicultural Family Contest, hosted by Korea Exchange Bank.
Behind the awards and admiration lies a quiet journey marked by hardship, sacrifice, and resilience. To understand how Liu Xiaoyan came to win the hearts of an entire village — and eventually, a nation — we must begin with where her story started.
Serving her in-laws and tending the fields: The journey begins
Liu Xiaoyan first arrived in Korea in 1995 on a student visa. After working in Busan for three years, she met her future husband, an only son from a poor farming family. When she married him, she left behind the city life she knew and moved to the countryside, stepping into a new world of hard labor, cultural differences, and responsibility. Her days quickly became filled with caring for her aging in-laws and working the fields — an unfamiliar but significant chapter that would shape the rest of her life.
“I used to think marriage was simple — if two people love each other, they stay together. If not, they separate,” she reflected. Raised in the city, Liu Xiaoyan had no genuine concept of the hardship rural life would bring. When she faced her new reality — serving elderly, ailing in-laws, working the land, and enduring her husband’s temper — she felt overwhelmed. “Taking care of my in-laws’ hygiene, helping them with toileting, working under the scorching sun… the terrifying, blood-sucking parasites in the rice paddies… and my husband’s domineering ways — it was all too much.” At times, it felt like the sky was falling.
She cried countless times and thought of leaving many times. But ultimately, she chose to stay. “I have a nature that always wants to do things well. Marriage is a big commitment. I chose it myself — if I can’t take responsibility and persevere, what can I succeed in?”
Choosing strength over escape
There was one powerful reason that kept her from walking away: “I’m Chinese — I cannot shame my country or my parents. I must do better than others.” Liu Xiaoyan toiled in the fields for eight years while caring for her bedridden in-laws. Even when disagreements arose, she never raised her voice. Instead, she followed their wishes with quiet grace. Whatever she didn’t know, she humbly learned.
“When life became too bitter, I cried my heart out,” she said. “I lost count of how many times I broke down.” But after each tearful release, she always returned to her routine — tilling the soil, managing the home, and serving her in-laws, one day at a time.
Her mother-in-law, suffering from dementia, was bedridden for five years. Her father-in-law, after a stroke, spent his last three years in bed. Washing them, feeding them, helping with toileting and dressing — the burden only grew heavier over the years. She cared for them both with total dedication until they passed away in 2005.
Kindness in marriage: Love through patience
Korean and Chinese values often differ. For example, in China, gender equality is more common, while traditional patriarchal norms still shape many Korean households. Like many international couples, Liu Xiaoyan and her husband faced cultural clashes.
“In the beginning, I had strong opinions. I believed I was right, and we clashed often,” she recalled. Over time, she discovered the wisdom of what she calls ‘fighting with grace.’ “Korean men can be hot-tempered. You can’t argue head-on. When he’s angry, I stay quiet. I let him cool off, then gently bring up the issue.”
She also learned to filter out negativity: “I take in the good words and let the bad ones pass from one ear to the other.” Her quiet strength and gentleness helped dissolve many potential crises. Then, last year, tragedy struck — her husband was diagnosed with late-stage stomach cancer. “I was crushed. My mind screamed, ‘What now?’” she said. But once again, Liu chose faith over fear. She stood by his side, nursed him with unwavering love, and helped him recover. Today, he’s well and back at work.
Recognition from a nation
“Few can stay filial in long illness,” the saying goes. Yet Liu Xiaoyan, a foreign daughter-in-law, cared for her elders as if they were her parents. “They struggled their whole lives. Their time left was short. I wanted to bring comfort in their last years.” Her story spread across the village. “Korean women couldn’t do what she’s done. Yet this Chinese daughter-in-law did it all with wisdom and kindness,” villagers said.
After her in-laws’ passing, she began working in local government and was awarded the “Merit Award ” for her diligence. Co-workers have admired her: “Whatever she does, she puts her whole heart into it.” In addition, this year, she was also awarded the “Happy Family Award” in a national multicultural family contest. Her dedication and devotion have inspired many, highlighting the profound impact one individual can have on both family and community.
Raising her children with Chinese values
Born into a scholarly family in Shandong, China, Liu Xiaoyan was immersed in traditional Chinese culture from a young age, learning the teachings of Confucianism, Taoism, and other ancient philosophies. Books like Three Character Classic (San Zi Jing) and Rules for Disciples (Di Zi Gui) are etched deeply in her heart, shaping her perspective on life and family.
She firmly believes that character education must precede knowledge. “Teaching children only modern science without traditional virtues makes them self-centered,” she says. With this conviction, she teaches her two daughters, now in 4th and 8th grade, the importance of being responsible, kind, respectful, dedicated, and hardworking.
Thanks to this foundation of strong moral values, her children blend seamlessly with their classmates and have not faced the discrimination often experienced by children of immigrants. Liu Xiaoyan’s approach to parenting reflects her belief that nurturing character is just as important as academic success, ensuring that her children grow into well-rounded individuals who are both academically accomplished and deeply grounded in their cultural heritage.
Liu Xiaoyan’s message to the world
In a heartfelt interview, Liu Xiaoyan told reporters: “No matter where life takes us — whether Korea or any other place — we must never forget who we are. We are Chinese, and we must honor our roots. Our journey must be marked by hard work, integrity, and a deep appreciation for each precious day of life.”
Reflecting on her own experience, she emphasized the importance of humility: “When I first arrived in Korea, people kept their distance. But I made the first move, smiling and greeting everyone I met. Even when someone was younger, I humbled myself. Now, I am greeted warmly by everyone around me.”
To fellow Chinese brides, Liu Xiaoyan offered these words of advice: “Complaining serves no purpose. Once you’ve chosen to marry, you must embrace the responsibility that comes with it. Don’t focus on changing others first — change yourself, and those around you will follow. Respect and love others sincerely. As the Korean saying goes, ‘If you greet someone with a smile, they will never spit in your face.’ When you treat others with honesty and kindness — whether it’s your husband, your mother-in-law, or anyone else — how can they not respond in kind?”
Liu Xiaoyan’s story is a powerful testament to the values of humility, responsibility, kindness, and integrity. By embodying these principles, Liu Xiaoyan has earned her community’s admiration and set an inspiring example of how individual actions, rooted in compassion and self-awareness, can create meaningful connections and bring about positive change. In a world that often focuses on external success, her story reminds us that true fulfillment lies in the strength of our character and the relationships we cultivate.
Translated by Katy Liu and edited by Tatiana Denning
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