There’s a saying that true emotional intelligence is about making others feel comfortable in your presence. So how can we make interactions pleasant for everyone involved? The answer lies in the “80/20 rule.” By following these three principles, you can cultivate harmonious interpersonal relationships.
Listen and speak
Dale Carnegie, a pioneer in modern interpersonal relations education, once attended a critical dinner party in New York. There, he met a world-renowned botanist. Throughout the evening, Carnegie hardly spoke, but listened intently to the botanist. After the event, the botanist praised Carnegie as an inspiring conversationalist and an interesting person despite Carnegie having said very little.
The key to meaningful communication is not in endless chatter, but in attentive listening. To connect with others, listen more and speak less. Listening often holds more power than speaking. It demonstrates humility and wisdom, making you more likable and helping you forge friendships. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason: to listen more and talk less. The 80/20 rule of listening and speaking is a hallmark of emotional intelligence.
Friendship and coolness
While filming Infernal Affairs, Hong Kong actors Chapman To and Andy Lau became close friends. However, their seemingly strong friendship ended due to a rational refusal. After a film Chapman directed flopped, he sought Andy’s help for a sequel. Andy, wary of another loss, declined. This refusal strained their friendship.
As the saying goes: “Excess leads to loss; one must maintain balance.” This applies to both actions and relationships. Without boundaries, the closer you get, the more your feelings will likely be hurt. Maintain 80 percent warmth in friendships, leaving 20 percent for boundaries. A healthy distance shows respect for others and values oneself.
Benevolence and edge
Shenzhen singer Cong Fei earned a high income, but lived modestly. He participated in over 400 charity performances and supported 183 students, donating over 3 million yuan. His dedication to charity delayed his medical treatment, leading to his death at 37.
On his deathbed, a beneficiary questioned him about funding their child’s education. Cong Fei apologized, explaining he was undergoing treatment and couldn’t send money. The caller asked when he would recover and earn money again. Kindness turned into obligation, and demands replaced gratitude.
Every relationship has its limits; one cannot only give or take. Be kind, but maintain principles and boundaries. Without them, you may enable negativity. Emotional intelligence dictates that you balance 80 percent kindness with 20 percent self-protection, caring for others while also safeguarding yourself.
Conclusion
In life, we encounter countless people and form numerous relationships. Remember: When conversing, prioritize genuine listening over self-expression. In relationships, maintain balance — give generously but reserve some love for yourself. Be kind, but uphold your principles and boundaries. By adhering to the “80/20 rule” in interpersonal interactions, you can enhance your emotional intelligence and enjoy fulfilling relationships.
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