When resentment leads to retaliation, both sides lose. But when former enemies can meet with a smile and set old grievances aside, both sides gain. Could there be a greater success in life?
A young man, whom we will call Mr. A, had just graduated from college when a television company invited him to host a special program. After noticing that he was also a talented writer, the program’s director asked him to help write the script.
When the program was finished, however, the director refused to pay him for the writing and also withheld half of his hosting fee.
The director handed Mr. A a receipt showing $250 and said: “You can sign for the full amount, but I can give you only $125 because the program went over budget.”
Mr. A said nothing. He signed the receipt, but thought to himself that there would still be time to settle the score later.
The director subsequently asked him to work on several more projects. Despite what had happened, Mr. A continued accepting the assignments.
During their final collaboration, the director paid him in full and treated him with unusual courtesy. By then, the television company’s news department had noticed Mr. A’s abilities, and he soon became both a reporter and a news anchor.
The two men frequently encountered each other at the company after that. Whenever they met, the director smiled somewhat awkwardly.
Mr. A considered filing a complaint against him. But then he remembered something a former high school classmate had said: “Without that director, would you have the opportunities you have today?”
Had Mr. A refused to endure the initial mistreatment, he might not have received the additional hosting work that eventually brought him to the attention of the news department.
The director had treated him unfairly, but he had also given him an important opportunity. By then, he appeared to recognize that what he had done was wrong. What would Mr. A gain by seeking revenge?
A different kind of revenge
Mr. A later went to the United States to study.
One day, a former classmate who was already working there complained that his American employer was exploiting him. The salary was low, and the employer seemed to be deliberately dragging out the process of sponsoring his application for permanent residency.
Mr. A told him: “With an employer like that, perhaps you should leave. But you have already worked there for a long time, so do not leave without gaining something from the experience. Before you change jobs, quietly learn everything you can.”
His classmate followed the advice. He began working overtime and stayed late to study the company’s business documents and learn how they were written. When workers came to repair the photocopier, he stood nearby taking notes so that, should he start his own business one day, he might be able to handle minor repairs himself.
Six months later, Mr. A asked whether he was ready to look for another job.
His classmate smiled. “There is no need now. My boss sees me completely differently. I have been promoted, received a raise, and my green card is expected soon. He even asked why my attitude had changed so completely and why I had become so proactive.”
The resentment he had carried began to disappear. In a sense, he had taken revenge, but not by harming his employer. He had answered the situation by improving himself.
He also recognized that, although he had reasons to be dissatisfied, he had not previously been putting forth his best effort.
A prediction that changed a life
Several years ago, Mr. A encountered another unusual situation.
An old friend suddenly became absorbed in fortune-telling. He studied the Eight Characters, or bazi, along with Zi Wei Dou Shu, name analysis, and Western astrology.
He was not studying these systems because he believed in them. On the contrary, he wanted to prove that fortune-telling was a fraud.
A famous fortune-teller had predicted that he would not live to the age of 47. Furious, the man vowed to destroy the fortune-teller’s reputation.
But something unexpected happened.
The more he studied, the more frightened he became. When he used the different methods to examine his own fate, they also appeared to suggest that his life would be short.
His behavior then began to change.
“Since I may not have much time left,” he said, “I should make good use of the years I have and do something meaningful.”
He devoted himself to charitable work and approached everything he did with renewed enthusiasm. Those around him said he had become a different person. The irritable, self-interested man they had known gradually became kind, generous, and considerate.
Without quite realizing it, he passed his 47th birthday and then his 48th. By the time he reached 53, he was healthy, energetic, and full of life.
“You can go and ruin that fortune-teller’s reputation now,” Mr. A joked one day.
His old friend looked surprised.
“Why would I do that?” he asked. Then he laughed. “Had he not warned me, I might really have suffered a heart attack at 47 because of the way I used to live. Perhaps he was not wrong after all.”
The best revenge for enemies
Do you always feel the need to prove your strength or fight back? Do you carry resentment over the ways others have treated you? Do you believe that an honorable person must always avenge an insult?
Consider these stories.
Enemies and rivals can sometimes awaken abilities we did not know we possessed. Without intending to, they may even become people who help move our lives in a better direction.
We should also recognize that some grievances grow not only from what others have done, but from how we respond. Self-examination does not excuse unfair treatment, but it can reveal what remains within our power to change.
The best revenge is not to injure those who have injured us. It is to use our frustration as motivation to improve ourselves and move toward a better life.
Then, with the confidence and generosity that come from having grown beyond the original conflict, we may be able to treat former opponents with kindness and perhaps even turn them into friends.
When the lose-lose cycle of retaliation gives way to a meeting in which old enemies can smile and let their grievances go, both sides have won.
Could there be a greater success in life?
Translated by Joseph Wu
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