The following are three stories about tolerance. Tolerance is not an attitude of weakness, but of strength. It takes grit and self-control to resist the urge to strike back. With tolerance, you face conflict confidently, without anger, making it apparent that you are truly honorable.
3 stories about tolerance in ancient China
1. Wenhou of Wei honors his agreements
In 403 BCE, the state of Han requested that the state of Wei send troops to help attack the state of Zhao. Wenhou, the ruler of Wei, declined, saying: “Zhao is our brotherly state, and we have a pact of non-aggression. I dare not go against this agreement.” The Han envoy left in anger.
When Zhao learned of this, they were moved by the brotherly bond between Zhao and Wei, and they, too, requested troops from Wei to attack Han. Wenhou again refused, using the same reason as before. The Zhao envoy also left in anger.
However, both nations later reflected on Wenhou’s peaceful and harmonious stance and were deeply impressed by his friendliness and tolerance. They returned to pay tribute to the state of Wei, which then became the leader among the three states of Wei, Zhao, and Han. No other feudal lords dared to challenge Wei.
2. Tang Sui’s wise advice to Lord Xinling
After defeating the Qin army and saving the state of Handan, Lord Xinling was greeted by the King of Zhao, who had come out of the city to meet him. Tang Sui advised Lord Xinling, saying: “I have heard it said that there are things that must not be known, and there are things that must be known; there are things that must not be forgotten, and there are things that must not be remembered.”
Lord Xinling asked: “What does this mean?”
Tang Sui explained: “When someone resents me, I must not ignore it. If I have wronged them, I must find a way to make amends. If they have misunderstood me, I should clarify the situation with kindness. But if I resent someone, this feeling should be internalized and forgiven. Moreover, during this process, it is important not to spread rumors that might cause unnecessary distress and tension for others.”
He continued: “This must not be forgotten when someone has shown me kindness, and I should repay them. However, if I have shown kindness to others, this must be forgotten, lest it creates undue pressure on me and others. Now, you have defeated the Qin army, saved Handan, and preserved the state of Zhao — this is a great act of kindness! The King of Zhao himself has come out to meet you, and when you see him, may you forget the kindness you have bestowed upon him?”
Lord Xinling replied: “I will surely heed your advice!”
3. Neither deaf nor dumb, don’t be the head of the household
After quelling the An Shi Rebellion, Guo Ziyi became a key figure in restoring the Tang Dynasty. Emperor Daizong held Guo in great esteem, marrying his daughter, Princess Shengping, to Guo’s son, Guo Ai.
One day, the young couple argued. Guo Ai, upset by his wife’s haughty demeanor, said in frustration: “What’s so special about you? Are you just relying on your father being the emperor? Let me tell you, your father’s empire was saved because my father defeated An Lushan! My father despised the throne; otherwise, he would have become the emperor himself!” Hearing this outrageous remark, Princess Shengping was furious and immediately returned to the palace to report to her father.
Emperor Daizong, after listening to his daughter’s complaint, remained calm and said: “You are still young and don’t understand everything. Your husband spoke the truth. Your father-in-law indeed preserved the empire. If he had wanted to be emperor, he would have become one long ago, and the empire would no longer be in the hands of the Li family.” He advised his daughter not to overreact to her husband’s words and to live harmoniously. Consoled by her father’s words, the princess returned to Guo’s residence.
When Guo Ziyi learned of the incident, he was terrified. Hearing that his son had spoken such reckless words, nearly amounting to treason, he immediately had Guo Ai tied up and taken to the palace to face the emperor’s punishment.
However, Emperor Daizong remained calm and showed no signs of anger. Instead, he reassured Guo Ziyi, saying: “A young couple’s quarrel — words were spoken in the heat of the moment. As elders, we should have tolerance and not take it too seriously. Isn’t there an old saying that goes: ‘Neither deaf nor dumb, don’t be the head of the household’? Just pretend you didn’t hear it.”
Hearing these words relieved Guo Ziyi’s heart, and he felt very grateful.
Translated by Katy Liu and edited by Maria
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