In a world where communication is fast and ambition runs high, these six ancient words offer something surprisingly modern: a guide to lasting success, meaningful relationships, and personal growth. Though rooted in Chinese tradition, their wisdom speaks directly to the challenges many of us face in work, leadership, and life.
For over 1,700 years, the Wang family of Langya in Shandong Province produced generations of high-ranking officials, royal consorts, and respected scholars. Their legacy includes 36 empresses, 36 imperial sons-in-law, and 35 prime ministers, all of whom are documented in China’s official historical records. This remarkable lineage spanned from the Eastern Han to the Ming and Qing dynasties, earning them the title of China’s most distinguished family.
The secret to their long-standing success? A simple but powerful family rule made up of just six Chinese characters: “Speak slowly, keep a kind heart” (言宜慢，心宜善).
Speak slowly: Wisdom begins with careful words
The origin of this family rule can be traced back to 77 B.C. when Wang Ji, a young official of seventh rank, was promoted to a mid-level post in the palace of the Prince of Changyi. At the time, the prince — Liu He, grandson of Emperor Wu of Han — was notorious for his erratic and indulgent behavior. His court was filled with sycophants, making it a treacherous environment for anyone with integrity.
Amid this uncertainty, Wang Ji encountered an elderly man who offered him three words of advice: “Speak slowly” (言宜慢). These words became his compass. By speaking with caution and composure, Wang Ji avoided many traps and won the respect of his peers. Eventually, he was appointed as an imperial advisor by Emperor Xuan of Han.
The advice to “speak slowly” is more than a reminder to use a calm tone — it is a principle of thoughtful communication. Young people, in particular, may speak impulsively or say things they’ll later regret. History is filled with examples of those who lost status or even their lives because of a single careless remark.
Speaking with deliberation encourages us to be calm, mindful, and composed. It reflects emotional maturity and commands respect. It also shows respect for the listener, fostering connection and understanding.
Keep a kind heart: Power must be tempered with compassion
Ten years later, in 67 B.C., Wang Ji once again passed through Changyi. By then, he had risen through the ranks, but power had begun to corrupt his judgment. He used his position to retaliate against political opponents. One of his targets was Zhao Luo, a senior official who had opposed Wang Ji’s policies. Wang Ji accused him maliciously, leading to Zhao’s dismissal and eventual death in grief and disgrace.
Once again, the same elderly man appeared and offered another piece of guidance: “Keep a kind heart” (心宜善). Struck by remorse, Wang Ji changed his ways. He began treating others with fairness, regardless of past disagreements. His reputation grew, and he navigated the dangers of court politics with increasing ease.
A kind heart invites kindness in return. People are drawn to those who are fair, generous, and helpful. When you help others, your own life becomes lighter and more joyful. The classic Dao De Jing says: “Heaven shows no favoritism, but always sides with the kind-hearted.” True goodness doesn’t need to be justified — it brings peace from within.
Six words shaping lives then and now
How can these six simple words — “Speak slowly, keep a kind heart” — have such transformative power?
In youth, “speaking slowly” helps prevent avoidable mistakes and encourages emotional intelligence. As we grow older and take on more responsibility, “keeping a kind heart” becomes essential to earning trust and building meaningful influence.
Though brief, this family rule captures profound wisdom. It teaches us how to engage with others, when to speak and when to pause, and how to cultivate a gracious and grounded character.
By living by this principle, the Wang family built not only a powerful legacy, but also a moral standard that continues to inspire. In an age of rapid change and constant striving, these six words remain a clear and steady guide.
Translated by Elaine
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